"Painfully Polite & Hilariously Hostile"

I stumbled upon the most addictive website the other day and since we all need more time wasters, I felt behooved to share my new found fun with y'all. Passive-Aggressive Notes is the place for "painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over." That's a mouthful, but it can be broken down like this: folks get mad, folks leave angry notes & feel better after getting said anger off their chest. Or so they hope.

Here's some of my favorite examples:

"NO TRASH IN FEMININE HYGIENE BINS" I just have to ask...why? And, why? Pads and tampons are trash, no? Does it really matter if tissue, an empty Coke can, or a gum wrapper mix in with menstrual refuse? Furthermore, who is going to be monitoring these "feminine hygiene" bins anyway? The Period Protector? The Tampax Terminator? The Always Avenger? Can't you just hear this being reported to management: Mr. Watson, I regret to inform you that an empty Altoid tin was found atop these Kotex wrappers. We must take offensive action now!

I think the latest issue of Glamour or InStyle, stating trimmed, oval shaped nails as the current height of fashion, would have been much more subtle. Or how about approaching the situation with a bit more decency and decorum? "Hey, let's grab a manicure on our lunch break! We could both use a new look!" Personally I'd be rather impressed if Miss Talon Tips was able to effectively use the keyboard with such long extensions on her digits. I'd probably ask her to type while being accompanied by The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da," because that song was made for fingertip tapping. But that's just me.

Hey kids, it's the winning flavor in "Name The Next Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream" contest! OK, so this is totally a scare tactic that will most likely confound the biggest doofus in any given group of teenagers. That's right folks, stealing ice cream will inflict you with a sexually transmitted disease so seething that no amount of cool creaminess will quench the flames. Take that, sex ed! Who knew it could be as simple as a pint of frozen deliciousness? Ad-Council, are you taking notice?

This is good, but I would've used the mustard for additional highlighting purposes, such as a meanie face inside the zero in "30." An arrow pointing to the message would also be effective, just in case the waitstaff didn't catch the permeating scent of tabletop ketchup. But what I really want to know from these fine diners is why did you wait a full 30 minutes? Yeesh, ya dorks! After waiting 5 or 10 minutes I would have very sweetly and politely (hush up, Beckie, and tell no differently!) stopped any nearby server, asking, "Hey--I know y'all are super busy but would it be possible for someone to just get our drink order? Thanks!" Haven't we all learned a little kindness and a brilliantly-flashed smile go a long way in these type of situations?

Then again, some condiment art looks like a lot of fun. But not at the expense of whomever had to clean this mess. At least the counter top wasn't decorated with syrup...ugh, the sticky mess!

I am loving the Passive-Aggressive Notes site...truly humorous stuff, y'all. If I were brave enough I'd create my own note & hang it in the parking lot of Libbey's school. It would read, "While I appreciate you standing here every morning and afternoon, chatting with the retired men, and nodding your approval at specific families, I'd much rather you actually do something, such as direct traffic, ensure the safety of our children, and put effort into at least pretending you have a purpose in law enforcement."

Yeah, I said it. I went there. I'm totally not taking it back, either.

And now, somewhere within the realms of Lee County proper, a rent-a-cop is howling in anger...he thinks I think I'm sassy. Oh, but I am, Deputy Why-Are-You-Here? I'll face his wrath for the rest of the week, and most likely, the rest of the year. With a smile. Just call me a cheeky monkey!