Walmart Rocks. Literally.

(The following story appeared in Yahoo Plugged-In, April 27, 2009.)

Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box
by Ben Silverman


Jodi Wykle knew her son would be thrilled when she gave him a new Nintendo DS for his birthday.

Instead, he was rocked.

According to WTSP-TV, the confused teen opened up his gift only to find bunch of stones and a rolled up Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.

Needless to say, mom was equally stunned.

"When he opened it, he was pulling the seal off, my sister-in-law carries a pocket knife and she opened it and that's when he pulled it out and it was Chinese newspaper and a bunch of rocks," she explained.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

"They don't want to do nothing. They want me to keep the box of rocks. I'm not buying a box of rocks for $138," she said.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

It's not the first time Wal-Mart has gotten into hot water for selling a questionable handheld. Earlier this month, a PSP system bought at a different Wal-Mart store in Florida was found to contain a memory stick filled with pornographic images.
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A box full of rocks and a memory stick full of dirty pictures? Way to go, Walmart! I mean, way to buy pirated electronics and pocket the money you're "saving" millions of Americans with your "low prices."

You schmucks.

Potpourri.

We've been busy. Too busy. So busy, in fact, that my sweet Jen from Buried With Children sent me a note, saying, "I've missed you--please come back!" Oh Jen, I have missed you...and Hayden (I'm president of Jen's son's fanclub!)...and all my bloggy pals. Yes, that means YOU!

What's been going on in my world as of late? It's been a mixed bag...such as:

Tea parties for Mamaw Pinky and Caroline. Tea parties I was not invited to. Yeah, I'm kinda bitter over their exclusivity and hoarding of the scones and clotted cream.

I made Tomato-Bacon Tartlets for my Bible study gals, while chatting with Lauren.
She's always bragging about Costa Vida and pesto porkchops and softing Ted's hair, so I have to brag about these. Love you, Lauren.

Scott and I chaperoned Libbey's class' field trip to a planetarium. We had to wear the same neon yellow shirts as Lib and her BFF, Bronwen. You'll notice I did not include photographic evidence of me and Scott in this hue. Because we did not rival the sun, moon, and stars in said neon yellow shirts. No, we did not. Thankyouverymuch.

This was hanging on the wall near the door of the Planetarium's entrance. Apparently a preying mantis devouring a roach has a lot to do with astronomy. I'll now turn Scott's telescope to discover this constellation in the night sky. Gonna name it Crunchy Lunchy-opeia.

Yes, my girls' Nanna is the kind of grandmother who lets her granddaughters hang out as she plays for Sunday morning services. But Nanna is missing her hairbow.

Um...hi, sun! Thank you for blazing during the past few days. I love fuschia geraniums. I love digging in the dirt. I love listening to Bobby Long while getting dirty. (That's what she said.)

"Because I'm an old southern woman and we're supposed to wear funny looking hats and ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt." ~Ouiser Boudreaux
Y'all know how I love to quote Steel Magnolias.

I also kept busy by doing a lot of research on wolves. We saw a bunch at the planetarium. (Because wolves have a lot to do with stars, too--just like a faux preying mantis.) But none of them were as interesting as these particular wolves:
And I now think the fasting and praying is proving to be a very good thing. I run with wolves. These wolves. Especially that one on the far left. How you doin'?

Did y'all have fabulous summer weather-in-the-spring this past weekend? Did you dig in the dirt or lie around the house? Do you want the Tomato-Bacon Tartlet recipe? What do you think of a ginormous hanging mantis? Do you run with wolves?

I must know. Please share your bag of potpourri. Unless it's vanilla-scented. 'Cause that's a big no-no for me.

p.s. Happy 67th Birthday, Dad. I was gonna post about that time your band opened for Jerry Lee Lewis, but I know you don't like for me to brag on your guitar prowess. (Which means I'm saving that story for a post on its own, of course.) I love you and your Harley-riding, computer geeking, guitar & mandolin-strummin' self.

Poetry In Motion.

1. Watch it.
2. Seriously. Watch it. I'll know if you didn't. Fast-forward to 1:00 if you must.
3. If you're not impressed, we're breaking up.

I love good, wholesome entertainment from the 1940's.


And I now want to be a Ross sister. Scott would be so pleased. Ahem.

Bekah, if you can't break this one down, I will cut off your head. Love you.


Happy Weekend, everybody!

I Recycle.

So today is Earth Day. And in the interest of being green, I am recycling my Earth Day post from last year. See how I reduced my bloggy carbon footprint? Just like that! Amazing.
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The term "Earth Day" conjures images of granola-types for me...those who believe living green & organic is a sacred calling, or as they called them back in the 60's, "hippies." It's also largely espoused by folks with a liberal worldview. After all, Al Gore, that bastion of environmental care and concern, won an Oscar (and eternal praise from Hollywood-types) for exposing the world to the dangers of global warming. WE MUST DO SOMETHING NOW! he presses. Good thing Gore never won the presidency, or else we might continue to use Aqua-Net and destroy the ozone over the next 50 years, and then he'd have no Academy Award on his shelf. Or a beard, possibly. He's saving energy by not using an electric razor, I guess...on his private jet. I digress.

The thing is, Earth Day should not be a liberal or conservative issue. It should be a people issue.

In our hotbed of political fury it seems that most people forget the simple, basic message of our Earth's inhabitants. We're all in this together. Ben Lee wrote a song about it. Kohl's is currently using it in their latest commercials. "Greenies" who want to smack me over the head for not recycling every single plastic bottle or aluminum can need to settle down. "Anti-greenies" who live as if this earth is disposable need to settle down. All the eye-rolling and sneering at tree-huggers won't accomplish a hill of good anymore than a crunchy-type's general dismissal of those driving gas-guzzling SUVs to Walmart, instead of a Prius taking them to Whole Foods.

In all honestly, I tend to roll my eyes at staunch environmentalists because they are typically alaramist in their passion for our land. As Caroline would say, "Summer-Donna!" (That's "simmer down," folks.) In that same vein, most conservatives are quick to inform that there is, in fact, no such thing as global warming. Or some will cede the admission of this issue, but will quickly point out that it's not early as desperate as Gore and company would have us to believe. (Yes, I fall into this camp.) Again, why does it have to be a political issue? Wait...don't answer that one, or else an entirely new debate will be sparked!

As for me and my house, it is our moral obligation to take care of our little corner of the world. We might not be able to cease all carbon emissions, stop the destruction of rainforests or drive electric automobiles, but we can do our part to help out in ways we believe will matter. (Regardless of how small!) As Christians it's an issue of integrity. God's Word tells us in Psalm 24:1, "The earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein." For such a time as this my God has placed me on this planet, which is all His anyway. My attitudes, actions, and purposes are to reflect Him and His Kingdom. I think it saddens the Lord's heart when He sees His creation being abused. On the other hand, I know it grieves Him when His children place worth on land (or oceans, or whales, or whatever PETA is on fire about at any given time) that is far above the value given to people.

Regardless of your politicial temperament, being kind to our surroundings is a manner of showing respect for what God has given us. It's truly as simple as that, in my opinion. Everyone has the ability to make minor changes in lifestyle for the betterment of our world. We Littons are using CFL lightbulbs, recycling Target & Walmart bags, conserving gas by running all errands on a particular day and having at least 1 "no driving day" per week. (With the exception of Scott--he has to drive to work each day, obviously.) I also buy organic milk, iron wrinkly tissue paper to be reused in gift-giving (yes, I'm cheap!), clean my floors with vinegar & water, and refuse to run the washing machine unless it's a full load. To some these gestures may seem insignificant, but to us they are a few of the small ways in which we are doing our part.

Green? Admittedly, not always. Greenish? It's a definite attempt.
We choose to celebrate Earth Day...every day...on God's terms.

Rainy Days & Sundays Never Get Me Down.

It was so gorgeous here on Friday and Saturday! We worked in the yard, blew billions of bubbles, drew colorful pictures on the driveway with sidewalk chalk, and actually got sunburnt noses.

And on Sunday--the day of rest--it rained. All. Day. Long.

Gray, damp days make me wanna lie around reading a good whodunit, while listening to soft rock hits from the late 7o's/early 80's.

Yeah, I admit it. I love the music of my childhood:

Player's "Baby Come Back."


How can you not love a band named Ambrosia? "Biggest Part Of Me" is a classic.

And I cannot mention my love of mellow gold music without giving a shoutout to my cousin, Paul Davis. I'm praying one of my girls inherited his singing/songwriting talents.

(Do I love that the late Ricky Nelson introduces my late cousin, performing his biggest hit? Of course I do.)

Call me uncool all you want...I'm not ashamed or afraid to out my appreciation for long-haired men with falsetto voices, rocking me gently, polyester-style.

Don't judge. Just love the music. 'Cause they sure don't make it like this anymore.

Is It Still Crack If I'm Not Yet Addicted?

My beloved pink phone and I parted ways on Monday. She got sick and died. I laid her to rest and promptly carried myself to Alltel. I came home with a silver phone. It was a fraud. Seriously, it sat in my purse and mocked me: "I'm a Gloria Vanderbilt phone hidden in an Armani casing," I heard it scoff. It really was that proud!

The phone also had execution issues...it just couldn't follow through when I needed it most. When I gently and lovingly suggested a round of performancing enhancing drugs, the silver pretender proclaimed, "It is more common than you think and it does happen to the best of us."

Alrighty then.

So I kicked that silver nonsense to the curb. I mean, I need a phone that gets the job done, every time. Don't we all? And, sensing my utter despair and desperation, a very cool Alltel dude came to my rescue. He hooked me up with this:

Hooray! I have a new BlackBerry!

I am now utterly and completely lost, y'all. You BlackBerry owners out there--help! Please! I'm an instant gratification kind of gal (that's what she said). I don't wanna spend an entire weekend with my nose in an instruction manual.

Yes, I'm whining. Don't judge.

Any tips, info, and advice you can impart will be appreciated. Because honestly, I have no clue as to what I'm doing with this thing. Other than curling into the fetal position and singing the Clapping Song, while attempting to text S.O.S. messages to Jason-My Super Action Hero-Statham.

"3-6-9, the goose drank wine, the monkey chew tobacco on the streetcar line..."

*Thanks, Nikki, for being available when I'm in dire straits and need your expertise. And for selling me on the Curve. I'll send you an extra surprise for your birthday next month. His name is Bobby.

Have a Nice Day.

Personally I'm more concerned that her hair has clearly never seen a tube of VO5 Hot Oil Treatment, while completely flummoxed that she left the house without first donning some Spanx. She should probably give that belt to Captain Camouflage, as it's more suited to his current apparel.

Once again, please allow me to reference a film I hold near to my heart...and quote on a daily basis:

Truvy: Well, I haven't left the house without lycra on these thighs since I was 14!
Clairee: You were brought up right.

One can learn a lot from Steel Magnolias. It is full of sage, sound, and solid advice. As is my recommendation for the proper usage of VO5 and nude-colored Spanx.

Thus ends my public service announcement for the day.

*For all those who've asked...no, I did not take this picture!

How I Spent My Spring Break...

Oh my head, we went to Panama City Beach, Florida, (also known as the oceanside version of Warner Robins, Georgia) and Heather danced onstage at Club LaVela, wearing her bikini (!), and Beth met this smokin' hot guy named Stephen, and my bikini top totally fell off while we were talking to these Marines who were macking on us at the beach...

Wait. That was 1992. This is 2009. Did all of the above happen 17 years ago? Yep. Do I now feel old as Methuselah? Completely.

Witness my Spring Break highlights:

Photographed my mother and my eldest daughter with Edward & Bella. Yes, they did this. Yes, I did this. Do not judge. At least we're not stalking the actual people. Is all I'm sayin'.

Let my girls dye eggs more times than necessary. Thankfully Kristi (my girls' big "sister") proves that Liberty University is nothing if not effective in producing "Champions for Christ" who are capable of handling vinegar, dye, and smelly eggs with total efficiency. Life skills, y'all.

Dressed my girls up in their Easter finest and forced them to pose for a full 5 minutes. This was the best shot of the lot. Next week I'm applying for a job at Olan-Mills.

Talked to one of these gorgeous gals, more than once, about randomness such as Sandi Patti on vinyl, sadomasochism (don't ask!), and my disappointment over the lack of a naked Henry Cavill on the season premiere of The Tudors. Ahem. And the other gorgeous gal in the picture? Well, we wore Chucks on the same day. During my spring break. We win.

Talked to this beauty (who was with one of the gorgeous gals in the previous picture) while she shopped in Anthropologie. Then debated being her friend for a solid 5 minutes, because really...like I need another beautiful, stylish, clever, talented, ghetto-bootied gal in my life. Wait...debate over...I totally need her in my life. Special hug to you, Lauren!

Looked through pics from this past winter and decided my bone structure is not conducive to sexy, wannabe pouting. Nor is all that grey, even if it was winter. And why didn't anyone tell me I have the Octo-Mom's lips? Ew.

My husband met Big Tom...of Survivor fame. Big Tom gave Scott his autograph and this picture, just for me. Best. Spring. Break. Ever.

Hey all you high school seniors who are fresh from the shores of Lake Havasu, Myrtle Beach, and Ft. Lauderdale...listen up! As you return to school with your sunkissed highlights, bronzed skin, and your car still smelling faintly of Hawaiian Tropic, know that your time is coming. In 10 or 15 years, during a week in March or April, you'll find yourself cruising the aisles of Target, excitedly snatching up flip-flops and t-shirts on clearance, procclaiming that single experience as the spring break to end all spring breaks. With nary an umbrella drink, MTV, or a wet t-shirt contest in sight.

Good times.

"But this I know with all my heart..."

Religion "stuff" makes people uncomfortable. Discussions about religion, like politics, usually cause most folks to squirm. So I will not discuss religion. Instead, I will share my heart.

There are many songs I wish I'd written. But none more than these lyrics, penned by Stuart Townend. It's the perfect summation of what Easter means to me...


How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said."~Matthew 28:6

Happy Easter, from me to you!

The 9th Year.

For Scott:

You're smarter, sexier, and more talented than Edward, funnier than Emmett, and much more empathetic than Jasper.

Your gentlemanly qualities far exceed Ashley Wilkes', and you look better in a tuxedo than Rhett Butler.

Legolas has pointy ears and Aragorn most likely smells pretty badly, so you easily trump those two.

You're a finer doctor than Jack Shephard, and your southern accent is more lilting than Sawyer's.

Mr. Darcy is rather stuck up, while Mr. Bingley is easily swayed, two traits that could never be used to describe you.

Angel and Spike are a pair of whiny pants. You never whine.

You wrote that post about how you are way cooler than Jason Statham and every word of it is true.

You are the real deal, in a world full of fiction, fantasy, and phonies.

Thank you for letting me dress up like this, nine years ago today:

When we both know eloping to Hawaii would have been much easier!

April 8, 2000

"Can you still feel the butterflies?"--Jimmy Eat World

Happy Anninversary, honey. No one is more blessed than me! I love you forever...wanna make out now?

The Road Leads Back To You...

When I was growing up we'd spend holidays and summers visiting our family in Mississippi, where both my parents were born and raised. Mama and Dad would call it, "Going home for Christmas," or, "We're going home for a few weeks in June." My brother and I would always argue, "But it's not your home anymore--you live in Georgia!"

Now that I'm in my thirties (ahem!), I refer to Georgia as my home. As in, I am currently home. Right this very minute. In Georgia...also known as God's country...where my roots are planted...where all roads lead.

Yes, I feel that strongly about my state of origin.

While home this week, I will celebrate the motto by which I've lived for thirtysomething years:
American by birth, Georgian by the grace of God. Amen.

I will also celebrate:

*Blooming dogwoods, azaleas and wisteria.

*Sweet Tea. Real sweet tea. (And this from a gal who trained herself to drink and love unsweet tea...for the sake of my body.)

*Speaking southernese: "Fixin' to," "Bless your heart," and "How's your Mama?"

*Eating vegetables for supper--mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, okra, tomatoes, & cornbread!

*Georgia Public Television--I love watching agriculture programs. Have you seen peanuts, peaches, and pecans being harvested? It's good programming.

*Visiting with old friends. And having my mother ask, "Who are you talking to?" and "Where are you going?" As if I'm still 16. Bless her heart.

*Watching reruns of the greatest sitcom ever, which just so happens to have been a show about four southern women, living in Atlanta, talking about topics such as this:

Funniest Suzanne Sugarbaker moment in the history of the world.

Georgia is not only on my mind, its red clay is also underfoot. I am home. Yaaaay!!!!!

Big Pimpin'.

Two weekends ago I spent a Saturday morning doing big girl stuff with Lacey, one of my BFFs. And by big girl stuff, I mean we went shopping for items such as some movie that was recently released (ahem!), new, Spring-worthy make-up, and new, Spring-worthy clothes. We then had a lesiurely lunch, complete with spinach dip and Bellinis. All before noon. Sans children. It was a good time.

On the drive home, Lacey mentioned wanting to buy an old El Camino, which she would then bling out like nobody's business. A bubble gum pink paint job, sparkly door accents, a plush new interior, and rims that would make a rapper sob for his mama. It would totally land Lacey on an episode of Cribs, no doubt. And I'd be right there with her, acting all nonplussed for the Cribs cameras, while making sure I was clearly visible in every shot. Word.

Honestly...this is one smokin' ride. I promised to be Lacey's co-pilot if she ever sees her pink El Camino dreams fulfilled. We'd be such ghetto fabulous rednecks. Our soundtrack for rollin'? This.

It'd also be funny if she had "I See Ya Lookin'!" printed on the back window. Just sayin'.

Lacey's El Camino lust reminded me of a conversation Nikki and I had not long ago, about our shared love for the movie Harold and Maude. Best. Movie. Ever. Truly, it's in my top five of all-time favorite films. It's dark, it's delicious, and it's definitely one of the most beautiful love stories of our time. Plus, the soundtrack is performed entirely by Cat Stevens. Amazing!

In the film, Harold takes a brand new Jaguar, given to him by his very fussy mother, and the top part of a hearse (don't ask, just watch the movie!), morphing the two vehicles into a custom Jag-Hearse:

I've decided the Jag-Hearse is my dream ride. Of course I'd want mine to have a pink suede interior and custom license plates: LULA ROX. Oh, and a rockin' sound system, complete with the best subwoofer known to man. Amen.

And this is probably the post that will scare y'all from being my friend, yet I cannot help but go public. (I waited until April 1 was over to do so. Even though I know April is going to ask me, repeatedly, if this is a joke. She will then mock me for my quirky tastes in movies and automobiles. Right, April?!? And this is not a joke. Sincerely.)

At least I know Nikki will cruise with me in my sweet Jag-Hearse. Any of you game for a lift in the car o' my dreams?