Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Hives.

So I have hives on my neck.  I said hives, not hickeys.  No, I haven't a clue as to how I got the itchies. Last Thursday, when I first started clawing at my neck, I assumed it was a reaction to my new sunscreen.  Well you know what they say about assuming, right?  By Memorial Day evening I was drawing blood due to all my fervent scratching, when the doctor I live with pronounced, "That's not an allergic reaction...that's dhiwsjkldgnioahye sghopapnnd!"  Huh? Speak English for those of us who do not possess a medical degree, please.  "It's hives, honey.  I'll call in some meds for you."


Alrighty then.

Tonight I sit here itching, my neck feeling as if it's on fire.  And I don't mean in a hot, passionate way.  Are you kidding?  I'm in way too much discomfort for flames of desire.  Seriously.

But a soothing balm, in the form of a hilarious website, is easing some of my pain.  Y'all have got to check out Awkward Family Photos.  I laughed out loud.  I chuckled out loud.  I had tears running down my face, and ok...maybe a tiny bit of pee escaped before I could run to the bathroom.  Don't judge.  See for yourself:


Clearly they're in paradise...yet couldn't be more Les Miserables.  Dumb dorks.


The website's caption literally made me cry with delight:
"Alright everyone, gather 'round the stereotype."
Brilliant.
(He's all ours, Heather and Tiff.)

Wonder what he was doing moments before Mama forced him to come pose for this picture?
Ahem.  Change your britches next time, horn-toad.


This family loves Alfred Hitchcock...Stephen King...Quentin Tarantino...
and quite possibly St. Victor...maybe even St. Nicholas, with that beard-in-training.  Oh,  and The Clash and The Ramones.


OH MY STARS!  It's the long lost members of Color Me Badd and their galpals!
Sing it with me now...
"Ooooooohhhh, ooooooh, I wanna sex you up!"
Ahhhh, tick-tock get 'em, stop, to the ahhhh, tick-tock get 'em, stop...
I can't decide which I like better...those chaps, their chokers,
or all those curls, courtesy of a Toni spiral perm.  Four Toni spiral perms.


There's lots more where these came from...I spent half an hour chuckling at Awkward Family Photos.  It's my new favorite website.  And it will be yours, too.  


*I apologize profusely if I've inadvertently offended anyone by posting these pictures.  I had no idea it was your family member.  

46 comments:

Kristina P. said...

That site is completely hilarious.

And I've had hives only once before, and it was horrible!

TheRightWife said...

Ha! That site is hilarious! Did I mention that I love your new design? Beautiful!

Oh, by the way, I'm no longer bloggin' on Blogger. I went ahead and purchased a domain (http://www.dancingphalanges.com) and for whatever reason, OpenID has no love for me in that regard.

Lauren said...

I love you because before I read the entire post, I went to the site and picked my favorite and it was the "everyone gather round the sterotype!" It is soooo arizona! haha!

Shannon said...

Awesome.

Srsly. That site should be called "AWESOMELY Awkward Family Photos". I think I may have woken up the rest of the family with my uncontrollable laughter!

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Hives blow. They like to land on my lips and my palms.

New blog design eh?

Elena said...

Wowee! Look at this new site design. Fancy shmancy!! Looks great.

So sorry about the hives, they SUCK!

And those pictures are too funny. Where do you find these things?!

Mama Kat said...

Those. Are. AWESOME! I love the one with the guy choking his mom the best. I HAVE to renact that one!

Vicki said...

Du and I bonded a little more over that site the other night. Where do they find these pictures?!

Kelly said...

i love the new look (the blog, not your inflamed neck), and i love awkward family photos. my eyes are still hurting from those one sweaters.

Live.Love.Eat said...

LOL!!!!!!!!! That last one reminds me of a few I have from the 80's. Ick!!! But seriously, I do hope your hives have subsided. Itching and flamey I just can't do. I become a baby. Glad you found some relief!!!!!!!!!!

Caroline said...

If those WERE my family members I would not claim them.

Those pics rock.

And I'm sorry you have hives, hope you feel less on fire (in the hive-ish way) very soon.

Sparkette said...

That was HILARIOUS!! :) Going over to check out the page!

Kat said...

You have had your fair share of strange ailments this year. It's time to be done.

And I LOVE the new look! I just emailed Darcy yesterday about getting a refresher for mine. I am ready for simple and clean.

Nicole said...

Wow, those are SCARY! LOL, what the hell.........I'm headed over now to see more!

By the way I love your new blog look. I havent been over in awhile so it may not be new. Sorry!

Lauren W said...

ugh, tell those hives to back up off and leave you alone!
Meanwhile... awkward family photos... ummm, I'm pretty sure that some of our family photos growing up could totally get posted on this site... It's nice to know there are more awkward people out there ;)

Heather said...

I am loving the last picture, right down to the matching windsuits and chaps! The fact that they're on a college campus somewhere is even funnier, for some reason...

Love it!

sassy stephanie said...

I have total template envy. Love your new look.

These are hilarious. And spooky, all at the same time.

Christina said...

Some of them just look flat out creepy!

TentCamper said...

those are hillarious! I am going to use that last one as my screen saver!!!!

Bekah said...

i wonder what amazing friend's gmail status turned you on (that's what she said) to that website?

hmm.. i wonder.....

LOVE the new look. who designed it?

artsyesque said...

(standing ovation)

My mom and I went to the site and laughed to tears for at least 5 minutes over the family walrus...

Mariah said...

This whole new Lulaville thing has me smiling.

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I just came across your blog...I love it! Those family pics are hilarious!

By the way, I am allergic to dogs, and I stupidly have one, and she gives me hives all the time, especially when she needs a bath. It seems my hands and neck are the most sensitive....and once I get them, they stick around for a couple hours. It can be kinda awkward, because the ones on my neck sometimes look hickely-suspicious. :)

Melissa said...

Those last 2 twin girls found some keepers. Haahhahahawt! Meow!

I'm sorry you have hives. That really stinks! Hope you feel better soon.

Amy said...

First of all, I love your new blog design. Those geetars are to die for. Too cute.

Sorry about the hives. Feel better soon

Those photos are too funny. Can you believe people once thought it was 'in style' to dress like that? LOL!

Jen said...

Oh those are fabulous! I so have to go and check this site out.

Sorry about your hives. I am an incher too. I have about 236 bug bites on my legs. Not fun, not fun at all. I hope that your hives leave you soon.

CaraBee said...

Those are awesome! I love the double trouble one the best!

Another site for you: http://www.awkwardboners.com/

Not for the whole family, but pretty funny. Seriously, who thinks up this stuff?

And begone hives! Feel better soon!

Carrie said...

Yuck! Hives SUCK! I hope you have something that is helping at least a little bit!

Those are awesome! Yet another website to waste time looking at...

Jenny and the Princess Peonies said...

Oh no....hives!!!!! They are only acceptable in band form....tick tick boom....

Um...the new look....LOVING IT!

Thank you for checking on me. You are Awesome! It made my day ...really. It did. I actually posted a blog today and I think I will tomorrow too....

XOXOXOXO

ParentingPink said...

OMGGGG's! I can't stop laughing! I went over to Awkward Family Photo's site and I am having the best time laughing at these poses! Whew - makes some of my family photos look amazing! LOL

Thanks for the site suggestion - I'm going to hang out at Awkward Family Photo's some more!

parentingBYdummies said...

Those are the most ridiculous pictures I have ever seen. Kinda like what I saw on the Poop today (old prom pics are awesome)! Can't wait to meet you at the SITScation. Please talk about something mind blowing 'cause I am getting my boys summer jobs to pay for this thing. No pressure!

Staci said...

Holy shnikes...thats all i can think of to say....bwhahaha

benedryl works wonders.

WhisperingWriter said...

I love that site. It never fails to make me laugh.

I'm actually surprised I haven't seen any members of my family on there yet. We can all be a crazy bunch when we've had a bit of alcohol.

Rebecca Jo said...

Thanks for stopping by today...

I'm totally cracking up now... AND singing Color Me Badd! I hate to admit this - I saw them in concert in 1990!!!! (Shrekking in embarassment)

angie said...

Rolling. Especially that guy leaning over with something on his pants.

Hope your hives go away soon.

ExtraordinaryMommy said...

All in one post we go from hives to Color Me Badd. Comedy. Love the pictures - glad you have a DR as a husband. Feel better!

Linda said...

Oh my stars ... I can't wait to show my hubby ... this is some great couples time humor. The Toni spiral perm ... been there ... I think I even had one of those swishy material sweatsuits too. I could add some good ones to this website ... I'll have to dig up an old family photo where we're all dressed matchy-matchy ... and if anyone thinks I actually made our matching outfits (velvet jumpers for the girls, velvet vests for the boys) I will totally deny it ... I am a dork, but not that bad!

Hope your itching ceases soon. Can you take sleeping pills and wake up when it's all over?

Amy said...

I had hives a while back and it was awful. Thankfully it stopped. I hope yours clear up soon because all that itching seems to get on people's nerve's. :)

Pictures are so funny.

Swirl Girl said...

hope your itchies go away...did you get a bug bite of some sort??

themoonisdown said...

choking out your mother, is there a better family photo concept??

i love the one of the denim family with the parents kissing in the middle. insane.

Fritzie said...

Holy Moly...

That dude wore shorts to the family picture appointment!

And his legs look .. *gag* smooth!

But what had me laughing the hardest? Your simply statement: "Dumb dorks."

Bwahahaha!

Brandy said...

LMAO! My favorite part of the last pic - the fact that not only did they perm the hair BUT they did the combover too.

Sun said...

This is hysterical. LOVE IT.
My friend Kat sent me her Awkward family picture just this week..
check it out.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/?p=1414#comments

Tranquility said...

HAHAHAHA!!!
I LOVE that site!

Nancy Face said...

Foolish pictures, haha! :D

Lauren used to get hives all the time when she was little. She was probably allergic to her Star Trek costume.

Marrdy said...

Boy, do I have some family photos that look just like that!