Wednesday, November 12, 2008

We Start Early 'Round Here.

Sometimes Sunday mornings are eventful around this place:

Me: Oooooooooohhhhhh...hmmmmmmm...Scotty, Scotty, Scotty!

Scott: OK, baby...

Me: Oh God! Please, Oh God!

Scott: Honey, just let it happen.

Me: (screaming) ARRRRUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scott: I'm pushing as hard as I can, baby...

Me: (pitifully) Harder! Oh my head, I am going to die...

Scott: I feel it...I feel it...it's going down. I feel it going down.

Me: Oh yes...that's better...I'm feeling it, too...sigh. Thank you. And I love you.

It wasn't one of the worst charlie horses I've ever had, but it seemed to last forever. And my right calf is still sore. But thanks, Scott...God knew what He was doing when he sent you to my bed over eight years ago. You're the best charlie horse-worker-outer in the world. Thanks to your technique, I'll be doing this in no time, while wearing these:
chuck norris jeans Pictures, Images and Photos
I'm sorry, but the words "action" and "jeans" used together? Smokin' hot. That's all I'm sayin'.

p.s. Yeah, this happened while Heather and Michelle were visting--so glad they were able to experience this with us.

54 comments:

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Experience it with you? Sort of like a charlie horse orgy?

JourneytoFamily said...

Only you could make a charlie horse sound like... well... sound like something else.

Love Chuck Norris. I'm gonna send you some "Chuck Norris Can Read Bella's Mind" Flair on Facebook. ;)

Mama Kat said...

A similar thing happened over HERE!! Only it wasn't a charlie horse...it was wild hot passionate monkey sex.

That's right. I said it.

Jennifer P. said...

I don't know if I should be laughing at you or Mama Kat. And I'm blushing either way :)

You two crack. me. up.

One day I'll be so bold....or not :)

Swirl Girl said...

gives a whole new meaning to Kung Fu Spandex..

the whole word 'action' should be stricken from our vocabulary...

Julie said...

you crack me up... seriously how do you come up with this stuff... and I HATE charlie horses...got them through my pregnancies!

heathersister said...

You people don't even know. I swear I was scared. I didn't know if they were having wild, crazy (monkey) sex or trying to kill each other. I was in the kitchen trying to have tea and read blogs and I didn't know if I should go in there and save someone (or join the fun). Just kidding on the join the fun part, really. Heather was upstairs, with the door closed, and she heard it too.

Shelley said...

Uhm....smoking hot is right. I love me some Chuck Norris.

Amy said...

That was like When Harry Met Sally. Very funny. You crack me up.

CaraBee said...

Okay, charley horse is NOT where I thought this post was going! Action Jeans? Brilliant. I need at least two pairs

a Tonggu Momma said...

So do people who buy those jeans get a little action, then? Otherwise I'd be concerned about the false advertising. Oh, and where do they sell those jeans anyway? (I'm totally asking for a friend. Really.)

Caroline said...

Oh my Lord, you are crazy! I had no idea where you were taking that one. From the title, I thought you were going to talk about decorating for Christmas or something, but really, should I be surprised that you talked about Charlie Horses and Chuck.

In those jeans you could get more chuck for your buck!

Take a butt shot for me 'kay?

Heather said...

You almost made me spew hot coffee out of my nose!

Yes, you woke me up out of a dead (hungover) sleep...one minute I was dreaming, the next I was sitting bolt upright in your guest bedroom wondering what the HE!! was going on downstairs. Good thing it wasn't an Edward dream, or me and your Charlie horse would've had words.

I'm just sayin'.

I freakin' love that picture of Chuck. Seriously, how many men could kick that high in denim?

ParentingPink said...

Thank goodness you were talking about a charlie horse, for a minute there I thought this was some sort of porn...LOL.

Shesh! I really hate those things too. VERY PAINFUL! Glad you have a hubby who knows what to do!

Kristin said...

I would get charlie horses when I was pregnant. Huddy would just out of bed thinking I was in lobor. Heck no charlie horses hurt MUCH worse.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

#1 - eat more bananas

#2 - I knew it wasn't a sex thing cause you would NEVER be that obvious.

#3 - you crack me up

sassy stephanie said...

You are too much. I used to get 'em all the time while I was preggo.

Action jeans. Hmmmm. Ya know me loves my denim.

Melissa said...

I. Heart. Chuck. He supported my man, Huckabee. I'm not livin' in the past or anything. Can we just rewind a year and do this over?

You see how I'm dodging the implied sexual encounter. I'm a prude.

Kori said...

Hilarious. Not the Charlie horse part just the rest of it.

Jenny and the Princess Peonies said...

Lula! Only you...!

To bad it wasn't the hot monkey sex mama kat talked about. Those girls would really have something to blog about!

Tiffany T said...

Ooooh! I hate that! Not your blog, but waking up to the pain of some sort of leg/foot/toe cramp. It's horrible!

Brandy said...

If your gift of a husband isn't around next time, just stand on your very tippy toes. It really works. Sorry I have no idea why.

Can you imagine the camel toe you would have after that kick??

Mrs de Miranda said...

hahahaha i have to say this post and all the comments to follow are soo funny! Loved it!

I hate charlie horses, they are the worst. I have a potassium deficiency so I get them often!

Lauren W said...

Oh Chuck Norris...
You know, when Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet.
The lake gets ChuckNorris-ed.

Kat said...

My mom gets Charlie Horses. She says that a spoonful of mustard makes them go away.

Have I told you recently how much you make me laugh?

Oh...finished "The Hunger Games" and Katie is reading it now...

Elena said...

Lula.....oh so very funny! Man, I hate charlie horses! But when I read them like this, they don't sound so bad. ;)

mine, by magpie said...

oh my dear god- hahahahhahah!!!! i can't believe that's a real ad.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Wow, I had to look up at the header to make sure I clicked on the right link in my favs and that it wasn't Debbiedoesdallas.com instead of Lulaville :)

Rhea said...

Oh, Lula, I love you. That made me laugh. And squeal in pain.

I hate charlie horses. You need more potassium. Go eat a banana a day. I'm serious! And don't point your foot when you stretch, flex it. That helps.

Old people swear by putting something under the covers...soap, I think it is.

Rhea said...

And, Chuck Norris is awesome. That jean advertisement is HILARIOUS.

Tony C said...

Highlight of my day!

Your post and subsequent comments are the best...the best!

BTW...I get them from taking in too much fluid during the day throwing off my potassium balance. This can lead to gout (not just in old people either) in the knee or ankle...you don't won't to go there. If it keeps up, get some bloodwork done.

Tracey said...

ok...I'm rolling on the floor now!!! Those darn biting horses!! Hate those guys! I feel the same way...my hubby can fix a charlie horse in seconds!! He actually "pulls my toes"-let me explain....I wake him up screaming PULL MY TOES! and he quickly obliges (probably so I will stop hitting him!!) If your hubs will gently pull the top of your foot towards your face the cramp will stop immediately! and with much less soreness!

Did I just post a whole "how to" on your blog comments....god, I'm a dork!

Tracey
polkadotsandpicketfences.com

scargosun said...

I have seen that ad and it frightens me. Actually, we play football against a team called "Chuck Norris" and they have funny things on the back of their shirts like, "Chuck Norris can make a revolving door slam."

Sorry that was a bit off topic.

Kathi said...

You are hilarious! Love the chuck norris jeans....too funny!

steenky bee said...

Oh dear. Though this whole post I just kept screaming, "That's what she said!" Then I saw Chuck. No, no, that is what HE said.

manic mariah said...

I would like to see LULA! doing that move while drinking a Land Shark when I visit you someday!

Jen said...

I was not sure where that post was going to go. It went some where totally different in my head at first, sorry. I will get my mind out of the gutter.

Jen said...

apparently, I am not the only one in the gutter so I think that I will stay here. Its funny. ;)

momof3crazykids said...

You are so funny. I hope your leg is feeling better. I'd like to see you pose like that for a picture;)

Kimberly said...

A spoonful of mustard??? maybe on a ham sandwich with some swiss.

I get them too and they are the MOST BIZARRE feeling in the world. A cross between pain and just plain old freaky.

momonthejourney said...

Wow. I suddenly have this strange desire for ... well, I'd better not say.

Have I mentioned that my husband's name is Charlie?

Also? I never ever get a charlie horse, except when I'm in the middle of ... well, nevermind.

I'll get back to you. I've gotta go see how my hubby's doing...

Steph at the Red Clay Diaries

Carrie said...

You are the queen of bait & switch! I was hoping for a bit of action, but noooooo! Wait, scratch that. I guess I got a little Chuck action.

By the way, I love the quotation under Action Jeans. "Won't bind your legs" should really be, "Won't crush your b*lls" shouldn't it?

Britt said...

Like I said in my post today .. I have the mind of a twelve year old boy .. so of course, this had me almost dying from laughter induced asthma fit.

And can I say, totally worth it!

I got those horrible when I was pregnant with both my girls .. and can I say, that as much as I love my husband, he is just about worthless for anything that early in the morning. I'd be writhing in pain and he'd be all bleary and, "Whasa matter wish yoo?"

Britt said...

Oh, and I need a pair of those jeans .. cause my legs?

They are always getting all bound up and stuff.

Anna Lefler said...

OK, you killed me with this post! Totally had me going!!!

And now I must go because I'm on a jihad to get myself a pair o' those fine action jeans. I just need to make sure and get a pair with the auxiliary saddlebag protectors - ow!

Awesome post!

XO

Anna

greedygrace said...

LMAO! I used to get the WORSE charlie horses when I was pregnant! I would wake up Wylee screaming in the middle of the night!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well that's a heckuva conversation for me to stumble onto on my first visit to your blog - LOL!!!! found your link via SITS.

Hope you are having a good week!

- Margaret

Becky said...

I heard about the "Charlie horse that was heard around the world" {{you poor thing!}} I think Heather and Michelle were relieved that it WAS just a Charlie Horse:) Their imaginations had it much worse!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

HA HA! You totally had me going.
I flipping hate Charlie and his danged horses!

Debbie said...

Oh I went there...yes I did....

Shannon said...

So if I get me some of those action jeans, will I be able to kick my leg that high? That flexibility might be handy...

I'm just sayin'.

notsosahm said...

Fortunately I only got one during each pregnancy. Now that I've typed that I'll have another one tonight for sure...

Crap, I just realized I submitted my last comment under my alter ego.

babyrocasmama said...

Well, damn! I thought I was reading an X~rated blog there for a minute!! Those charlie horses do hurt like a mother sometimes!!

Nice, descriptive language, though. When he said "I feel it going down." I thought, now that ain't good for hot monkey sex!! It's supposed to stay UP!! LOL

Arnold said...

Ok - so lots of people said that they used to get Charlie Horses when they were Pregnant....? And you got a Charlie Horse?!? Interesting!!!