Kleenex & Kenny Loggins.

Don't ever sort your child's clothing while listening to Return to Pooh Corner or More Songs from Pooh Corner.

Particularly the latter CD. Because when Kenny Loggins begins his interpretation of "Turn Around," and you're folding clothes now too small for your precious darling, let's face it...you're done. D-O-N-E.

Even though these clothes need to be stored away for little sister to wear in a couple of years. Even though that precious plaid skirt no longer fits, but you remember how her little legs looked peeking out from under it, dangling in the backseat of the car. Even though you can't bear to put away her special Christmas dress, with the smocked & embroidered manger scene, complete with Baby Jesus in the very center...

Yes. You are completely done. The moment Kenny warbles, "Turn around and you're two, turn around and you're four, turn around and you're a young wife...going out of the door..."

Sob!

No matter that she's informed you, "Gymboree clothes are for little girls, so I can't wear their stuff anymore!" No matter that she now prefers to wear black Chuck Taylors with a sequined shirt. (And her ginormous, monogrammed Vera Bradley messenger bag, of course.)

Because it seems like 5 minutes ago--rather than 5 years--she was thrilled to be wearing this "big girl puh-kin dress!"

Just reach for the box of Kleenex, my friend. 'Cause You. Are. Finished.

Sage advice that I'll remind myself to heed the next time I'm sorting clothes to be stored. I cried for a good hour. I then remembered this:

And proceeded to cry the rest of the afternoon.

I defy you to watch this commercial* without tearing up. You have no soul if the tears don't well. Yeah, I said that.

*One of my favorite songs ever is Yaz's "Only You." Joshua Radin remade it--and his version is used in this commercial. It's gorgeous. Go to iTunes & download his Live Session redo of "Only You." In fact, download some of Joshua Radin's other music, too--I dig him a lot. You can thank me later...

Dear Hating Commenter, "RK,"

OMS! (That's "Oh My Stars!" as abbreviated by the fabulous Heather.) You are my very first hater! Well, probably not the very first, but the first person who was brave enough to comment in a spiteful manner.

Wait, I said "brave." Actually you're not very brave, because you hid your comment behind the initials "RK." If you're going to hate, please have the gumption to back up your words with your true identity. Here's what you said...

I have always enjoyed reading your blog! Cracks me up...but today not so much.

You put down the place where I was raised. Your husband is a doctor here and that is where you get the money you spent on the 18 acres and the house you live in. You talked about oxy, meth drugs etc, but you failed to mention the friendly people in this town, the close knit community that we have, and friends that have been friends forever. If you don't like it here leave, but if you are going to enjoy the money you make off of us poor country folk then please don't criticize!...especially since you love Jesus so much!

I appreciate you hanging out in Lulaville, and I'm sorry yesterday's post angered you. Normally I would not respond to such vitriol, however you mentioned my husband and his profession in your biting remarks, and I find myself unable to keep quiet. So here I go...

Do not mess with my husband. Do not make salacious remarks about his chosen career...the one he earned through 12 years of extreme hard work and a lot of sacrifice. It is reprehensible to comment, "Your husband is a doctor here and that is where you get the money you spent on the 18 acres and the house you live in..." and "If you are going to enjoy the money you make off us poor country folk, then please don't criticize..."

Really? Are you kidding me? No, seriously. Are you kidding? Because that is probably the most vile assessment anyone has ever made regarding myself or my husband.

Please do not speak out of turn. Please do not contend that my husband's job is what paid for our house and the land upon which it sits. (I could be an heiress. Maybe that is how we paid for our 18 acres. In cash. Or not. Frankly, it is no one's business.) Please do not insinuate that my husband spends his days making money off "poor country folk." And most of all, please don't toss in a casual reference to Jesus...especially one that's written as an aside.

Jesus is never an aside to me, or to my husband. And yes, I do love Him "so much." I've staked my eternal security on Him.

I will also defend my husband's integrity, as a spouse, father, and businessman. His work ethic is impeccable, and he genuinely cares for his patients in a manner not often seen in the modern medical community.

For the record, and not because I am preserving myself, but rather defending this precious little mountain town where we reside...let me state a few points, please:

*I adore Pennington Gap, Virginia.

(I do believe I mentioned Stoneface and an esteemed author in my post--did you not catch those two points?)

*I praise God that my girls are being raised in the town where their father grew up.

*I praise God that my children are surrounded by so many family members--grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends.

(The annual Litton/Turner cookout, August 2006. Yes, three-fourths of these people

are our family members...on just Scott's father's side!)

*I love that upon entering the door of her school, my 7 year old is greeted with a hug from her principal (who happens to be a distant cousin), or a hug from her P.E. teacher (who also happens to be a cousin).

Libbey & her principal (and cousin!), Lisa Wynn Stewart

*I love that I cannot walk into Food City without seeing someone I know, or having a 10-minute conversation with someone I haven't seen in a while. I do my best visiting in Food City!

*I love seeing Mr. Herschel's smiling face, greeting me each time I enter the doors of Walmart.

*I love buying fatback for my soup beans at Deb's Market, because the ladies employed there are so friendly and helpful.

*I enjoy reading the Powell Valley News each Wednesday and Friday. Yes, our precious newspaper is published only twice a week, and I. Love. It.

*I love going to Lee High football games on Friday nights and supporting our local players, cheerleaders, band members, ROTC, and the general student body. Go Generals! (Does my husband get paid to stand on the sidelines as the team's doctor? Of course not. He does it because he loves it.)

*I adore our public library, where both of my daughters have grown to love learning, reading, music, crafts, and yes, even snacktime. We love you, Mrs. Sherry!

"Ms. Sherry" Myers & Caroline, December 2008.

*I am thankful for my local "beauty parlor," the awesomely named Modernette. I'm so glad my sweet friend, Kim Woodard, is capable of giving me a good, sassy 'do. I refuse to drive to Kingsport or Johnson City for a fabulous haircut & eyebrow waxing. Good thing I don't have to!

*I love walking through the doors of Litton Family Medicine, and seeing the extended members of our family. Not just "staff" to us, these ladies are the heart of Scott's medical practice and we love each of them. I'm thankful he has the finest nurses & office support system in the county! This practice is the fruition of Scott's lifelong dream...to provide the highest quality of care to the people of this town, regardless of race, bloodline, or social status.

Scott with some of the LFM gang--Linda, Rita, and Kelley--at last year's

Pumpkins in the Park festival,October 31, 2008.

In my post yesterday I did make a joke at the expense of our little town. We have a very serious drug problem in this county, and that deeply saddens me. It's also irresponsible to turn a blind eye to said drug and crime problem, and pretend Lee County is one big happy community, free from predicaments commonly associated with large/inner cities.

At least I didn't mention the "working ladies" who stand outside of the IGA. Ahem.

But let me also assure you...I do love living here, and I am not leaving. I'll also continue to poke gentle fun at the multifaceted idiosyncracies of life in these mountains. Because really...living in Pennington Gap, Virginia, means one must have some measure of a sense of humor. It's the quirky traits indicative of small town living that I wholly embrace and love best.

Pennington may not be my hometown...but it is my home. And I'll love it, mock it, defend it, joke about it, and cherish it...to the best of my ability. Till the end of my days.

Signed,

Leigh Anne

p.s. I feel the same about my little brother. I can talk smack about Eric, but none of you people better say a single word. Not. One. Word. Just so you know...

She Gets Around.

Introducing...MOXIE MONA!

I'm so proud to be a part of Moxie Media, a new network of women bloggers who are taking the internet by storm. Our "mascot," Moxie Mona, has been traveling around the United States this week, visiting the homes of a bevy of fabulous bloggers. I was honored to host Miss Moxie Mona in my little neck of the woods.

Until Francesca, one of our fearless Moxie Media leaders, informed me of the purpose for Mona's visit...

Francesca: Just write about where you live and showcase yourself with Mona. Tell about your corner of the world!

Me: First of all, when I hear the word "showcase," I picture myself on stage in Las Vegas, in an elaborate burlesque review, wearing fiery-colored plumes, rhinestones, and about 16 pounds of facial & body cosmetics. And then I get lost in memories of a better time...when Liberace was still tinkling the ivories and I was all trim and fit...and...sigh. Great, now I'm all depressed and stuff.

Francesca: (Dead Silence.)

Me: Plus, if I write about where I live, it will include references to meth labs, tobacco fields, Oxycontin being sold on street corners, and fields full of cow patties. And really...unless we're watching National Geographic or Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator" on NBC, who truly wants to know about my crack corner of the world? Even though it is beautiful here...in the mountains...

Francesca: (Even more dead silence.)

Me: Oh, all right! Yeesh...I'll come up with something...

Here's my something. Please enjoy Mona's adventures in Southwest Virginia!

We live on almost 18 acres of land.

What do we do with these acres?

We grow hay.

No, I'm not kidding.

Mona hitched a ride on a tractor,

on the day the freshly cut grass was

placed into neat little rows...all for the baling process.

Yee-haw, Mona!

(She's a country gal at heart...all she needs is a pair of overalls!)

Aw, Mona...

Look at you celebrating with those fine Georgia athletes,

follwing a Bulldog touchdown!

Mona knows. Mona gets it.

And by "it," I mean the most wonderful time of the year...

College football, baby!

I even taught Mona the proper response one gives when the Bulldogs kickoff...

"Gooooooooooo Dawgs...sic 'em...woof-woof-woof-woof-woof!"

Amen.

Mona took a trip to our little public library...

...it's where all the good gossip goes down,

and where we showcase famous authors from our mountain region.

Yes, that's Adriana Trigiani, author of the soon-to-be-made-into-a-movie,

Big Stone Gap.

Big Stone is Ms. Trigiani's hometown...and is just right up

the road from Pennington Gap, my town!

Yes, "Gaps" are a big deal 'round here.

Mona & I are going to read Big Cherry Holler...

...since we have all manner of Hollers 'round these parts.

LOOK! Mona took a cruise to Mexico!

Miss Mona assured me of her virtue,

having politely declined the Towel Duck's advances.

Oh, Mona...you little lady. I'm so proud.

Finally, we come to the heart of Pennington Gap, Virginia...

...our most famous landmark...

the Stoneface,

recreated here by some artist.

I apologize, artist, for not crediting you properly.

The Stoneface is a Very Big Deal.

God put that face on that mountain for a reason.

It is our duty, as residents of this fine little mountain town,

to proudly share this bit of greatness with the world.

And with Mona...who is, very obviously, impressed.

I had more pictures of Mona's Southwest Virginian adventure, however a suspicious-looking male superhero has just interrupted my posting efforts to announce that Moxie Mona rocks the red boots way better than that fashion doll whose name rhymes with "Darby."

Good times.

Thanks for visiting, Mona! And thanks for being such a good sport. Now let's go eat some pumpkin crisp, and discuss whether we're going to see Jennifer's Body or Fame this weekend.

***Thanks to these fine ladies for making Mona's Lulaville visit possible***

Better in Bulk

Mama's Losin' It

Mayhem & Moxie

Scary Mommy

7 Clown Circus

Remember That Time We Remembered That Time?

This is a tale...

a tale of 3 girls...Lula, Heather, and Tiffany...

and that time they were together. In Ecstasy. Or rather, on Ecstasy.

OK, come on...we didn't shoot a porno, or take drugs...

Of course our cruise ship was named the Ecstasy.

Of course our cruise trip advisor was named Vixen.

I do not make this stuff up, y'all.

But wasn't it all so appropriate?

Indeed.

And here we see Camp Ecstasy...

...also known as our room.

Wait! Let me get it right...

Our Suite. Yeah, we had a suite.

On the Verandah deck.

Word to your mother.

While on our getaway,

did we spend our days in a druken haze,

our nights in brazen debauchery?

PUH-lease!

We read.

And read some more.

On our balcony.

In our beds.

On the Sun deck, overlooking the beautiful blue water.

But mostly on the balcony.

Isn't Tiffany so cute here?

(We love us some Jace. Read the Mortal Instruments series, y'all.)

And then there was this one time...

...we went to Cozumel.

Not to shop. Not to sight-see. Not to eat.

Nope.

We went to a beach resort...

where we barely left the warm waters of Mexico.

And YES...the water is that blue.

(And where a fellow named Samuel kept us supplied in cold beverages.)

It was pretty much ecstasy.

Did I mention we read a lot?

Just a sampling of the books devoured while on our trip...90% of them were Young Adult.

Because these days, it's the best stuff out there.

Yes, we all read Suzanne Collins' Catching Fire.

(The 2nd book in The Hunger Games series.)

And we all agreed...

Best. Book. Ever.

The three of us will fight anyone who says otherwise.

I could regale you with stories of frequent naps, lavish meals in the ship's dining room, the hilarity of the precious Filipino dude who hosted karaoke, our wild night in the dance club, all the times we laughed so hard that we cried, or reveal the dark side of swimming in the Mexican waters. (Hint: it may or may not have something to do with drunk Florida Gator--ew!--fans who took off their swim trunks and mooned us repeatedly. Yeah. And...gross!)

But I won't brag.

Instead, I'll share with you the souvenir I picked up in Mexico...

I got a boob job.

JUST KIDDING!

But don't we look super cute?

And by "we," I clearly mean our faces.

Ahem.

Tiff and Heather, it was the vacation of a lifetime...and I can't wait to do it again and again and again. V4 & After. Amen.

p.s. Tiffany...remember that time Heather and I were on the balcony and we saw a whale? Judy the whale, no less! Love it...

They Love Me. Seriously.

Dear Darling Daughters,

Tonight, as the three of us sat in the darkened living room, watching your beloved Andy Griffith Show, I felt a moment of such sheer perfection that I did not want the experience to pass.

Maybe it was because the two of you were butt-nekkid, as we say here in the South. (I can't even remember why y'all had stripped to your birthday suits!) Or could it be that I was feeling a tinge of guilt because I know that I'll be leaving the two of you for the next few days?

I don't like leaving you. But I need to spend some time with my sisters.

See, the two of you have each other. You are each other's best friend. As sisters you are constant playmates...sparring partners...cuddle bunnies. Rarely a day passes that you girls don't spend hours together. Oh, my sweet girls...you are blessed.

Mommy does not have sisters. Not blood sisters, at least. Mommy's "sisters" live thousands of miles away, in Arizona and California. And I haven't seen them since last November. When we were constant playmates...sparring partners...and yes, cuddle bunnies, if but for a few days.

So I'm going to be gone for a few days and enjoy some grown-up time with these two "sisters" of mine. While I'll miss you both every second that I'm away, I rest comfortably in the knowledge that you won't have time to fret over my absence. 'Cause staying with "Memaw Kim and Papaw Bill," and a weekend in Richmond with your father, Nanna, Poppy, aunt, uncle, and cousins, will make it all worthwhile.

Plus, Aunt Mandy is taking you to Kings Dominion on Saturday. Aunt Mandy rocks, of course.

Yes, I'll bring back souvenirs from Mexico. That's all y'all really care about, right?

I'll miss y'all desperately...please do me a favor and try to think of me at least once or twice while I'm gone.

Love,

Mommy

p.s. Bloggy sisters (and brothers--hey Greg and Tony!)--full vacation report, with pictures, next week. I promise. I'm also looking forward to catching up with all of you...yes, I've missed making my blog rounds over the past few days. How are y'all?

You May Be a Tiger, But Your Mama is a DAWG!

Once again it's that time of year. It's the season of me losing my shiz every Saturday afternoon or evening...pacing, screaming, shouting, praying loudly, clapping, hurling insults, offering praise, and generally acting like a total idiot. All in the name of college football. More specifically, all in the name of my beloved Georgia Bulldogs.

Yes, I own these earrings. My Mama gave 'em to me for Christmas. Don't judge.

My brother, Eric, and I have been lifelong Bulldog fans. Even our parents, who graduated as Bulldogs--albeit Mississippi State University Bulldogs--root for the Georgia team, because they have a clue, clearly. Eric and I are Georgian by birth, Bulldog by the grace of God. Amen.

Witness our texts from this past Saturday, which was Georgia's season opener, against 9th ranked Oklahoma State University:

One minute into the game:

Me: Dude! I'm liking this new QB! We win this one & momentum will be rolling all season long.

Eric: They can't stop us--but their offense is supposed to be better than ours.

Me: (after UGA scored on the very first drive of the game) That opening drive was almost textbook perfect. I'll be watching OK's offense now...we'll see what happens...

Eric: We should be OK.

Three quarters later and we're losing. Badly:

Me: (in a store, unable to check in on status of the game) What's the score? Are we winning?

Eric: Heck* no. We haven't done crap* since the first drive. Cox (Georgia's new quarterback) looks horrible.

*Of course he didn't text "heck" or "crap." Use your imagination.

Me: Dang...this is gonna be a crap season for us. Sigh...we'll just have to muddle through.

Eric: I wouldn't bet on many wins, unless they do a complete 180 after this weekend. I'm not hopin' for much.

Me: We gotta hope for the best...

Eric: ...we gotta get a life, man.

He was just really upset...deep down, my brother knows there's not much life outside of Georgia football. And that, my friends, is truth.

So...other than Tiffany-my-love, who else out there is beyond excited that pigskin Saturdays are once again upon us? Who doesn't give a hoot at all? Please let me know straight away, so that I may pray for you...

Bwahahahahaha!

The Horns of a Dilemma

After clicking here, there, and everywhere last night, I stumbled upon some website wanting me to vote for the "Scream 2009 Awards," honoring the best in fantasy, Sci-Fi, comics, and horror. Oh. Wow. There's an awards show specifically for my people*? I'm all over that.

Until I got to this category: Best Ensemble Cast.

The nominees are...

Battlestar Galactica

Lost

True Blood

Twilight

Watchmen

Um...are you KIDDING me? These are only my five biggest loves of 2008/2009.

Thank God they left out the cast of Star Trek (but how dare you, Spike network!), because the above listing has literally reduced me to fervent hand wringing. My knickers are so twisted that I'm now capable of singing "Please Don't Go Girl" in my best Joey McIntyre-at-15-voice. Hangin' tough, y'all.

I cried when Battlestar Galactica ended back in March (best show no one watched, except me & the other brilliants of the world). I almost cried while watching Twilight last November. (And those weren't tears of joy. Mrs. Meyer, I still love your books.) Watchmen was a very solid & satisfying adaptation of the best graphic novel of our time, and True Blood stars my boyfriend. And do we love that he's dead center in HBO's promo picture for the show? (Ha--"dead" center. Get it? He's a vampire. Ah, whatever...) Yes, of course we do. As he is worthy of my praise. Let's look at him again, shall we?

You're welcome.

In the end, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I pulled on my big girl panties (which may or may not have been Wonder Woman Underoos) and placed my vote.

Like y'all don't know which cast I consider to be the best in the world. In the history of television. Oh, please...

I love it.

(But darn the teeny boppers--Twilight has this one in the bag. Sigh...)

Sometimes it's very hard work being a Sci-Fi nerd. Yet I muddle through...I rally...persevere...and in the end, I feel as if my work here is done.

*By my people, I clearly mean me, Heather, and the all the people of the world who would attend Comic-Con in costume. (Me=She-Ra. Heather=Girl In Pink Dress Who Marries Captain Kirk on the Bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Duh.)

In Which He Negates The Previous Declaration.

I have been absent from the blogging world. Because I have been at the beach. Praise be!

A few weeks ago my husband was all, "No more pics of the girls on your blog!"

And then I did a beach photoshoot of the girls. At the beach. And my husband was all, "OK, you can put pictures of the girls on your blog." I knew that by being the respectful wife I vowed to be on our wedding day, I'd win out. Who says being a submissive wife is being a doormat? Not me. 'Cause I won. The end.

Sisters, sisters...there were never such devoted sisters...

I'm here to keep my eye on her...

Caring, sharing, every little thing that we are wearing...

Lord, help the mister...who comes between me and my sister...

And Lord help the sister, who comes between me and my man!

And by "man," of course they mean Daddy!

Thanks to Irving Berlin for writing the quintessential song about sisterhood. Also, thanks to my parents for loaning me their ancient camera, because I am a doofus and left my new one at home. (Someone's getting a new digital camera for Christmas...is all I'm sayin'...one that's from this half of the decade, that is!)

So...

What did y'all do this summer?