Thursday, September 24, 2009

She Gets Around.

Introducing...MOXIE MONA!
I'm so proud to be a part of Moxie Media, a new network of women bloggers who are taking the internet by storm. Our "mascot," Moxie Mona, has been traveling around the United States this week, visiting the homes of a bevy of fabulous bloggers. I was honored to host Miss Moxie Mona in my little neck of the woods.

Until Francesca, one of our fearless Moxie Media leaders, informed me of the purpose for Mona's visit...

Francesca: Just write about where you live and showcase yourself with Mona. Tell about your corner of the world!

Me: First of all, when I hear the word "showcase," I picture myself on stage in Las Vegas, in an elaborate burlesque review, wearing fiery-colored plumes, rhinestones, and about 16 pounds of facial & body cosmetics. And then I get lost in memories of a better time...when Liberace was still tinkling the ivories and I was all trim and fit...and...sigh. Great, now I'm all depressed and stuff.

Francesca: (Dead Silence.)

Me: Plus, if I write about where I live, it will include references to meth labs, tobacco fields, Oxycontin being sold on street corners, and fields full of cow patties. And really...unless we're watching National Geographic or Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator" on NBC, who truly wants to know about my crack corner of the world? Even though it is beautiful the mountains...

Francesca: (Even more dead silence.)

Me: Oh, all right! Yeesh...I'll come up with something...

Here's my something. Please enjoy Mona's adventures in Southwest Virginia!

We live on almost 18 acres of land.
What do we do with these acres?
We grow hay.
No, I'm not kidding.
Mona hitched a ride on a tractor,
on the day the freshly cut grass was
placed into neat little rows...all for the baling process.
Yee-haw, Mona!
(She's a country gal at heart...all she needs is a pair of overalls!)

Aw, Mona...
Look at you celebrating with those fine Georgia athletes,
follwing a Bulldog touchdown!
Mona knows. Mona gets it.
And by "it," I mean the most wonderful time of the year...
College football, baby!
I even taught Mona the proper response one gives when the Bulldogs kickoff...
"Gooooooooooo Dawgs...sic 'em...woof-woof-woof-woof-woof!"

Mona took a trip to our little public library...'s where all the good gossip goes down,
and where we showcase famous authors from our mountain region.
Yes, that's Adriana Trigiani, author of the soon-to-be-made-into-a-movie,
Big Stone Gap.
Big Stone is Ms. Trigiani's hometown...and is just right up
the road from Pennington Gap, my town!
Yes, "Gaps" are a big deal 'round here.
Mona & I are going to read Big Cherry Holler...
...since we have all manner of Hollers 'round these parts.

LOOK! Mona took a cruise to Mexico!
Miss Mona assured me of her virtue,
having politely declined the Towel Duck's advances.
Oh, little lady. I'm so proud.

Finally, we come to the heart of Pennington Gap, Virginia...
...our most famous landmark...
recreated here by some artist.
I apologize, artist, for not crediting you properly.
The Stoneface is a Very Big Deal.
God put that face on that mountain for a reason.
It is our duty, as residents of this fine little mountain town,
to proudly share this bit of greatness with the world.
And with Mona...who is, very obviously, impressed.

I had more pictures of Mona's Southwest Virginian adventure, however a suspicious-looking male superhero has just interrupted my posting efforts to announce that Moxie Mona rocks the red boots way better than that fashion doll whose name rhymes with "Darby."

Good times.

Thanks for visiting, Mona! And thanks for being such a good sport. Now let's go eat some pumpkin crisp, and discuss whether we're going to see Jennifer's Body or Fame this weekend.

***Thanks to these fine ladies for making Mona's Lulaville visit possible***


angie said...

You live on 18 acres? Who grows and harvests the hay? I would have never. Ever. Ever guessed that you grow hay on your homestead-since I know your husband is not a farmer. Or that you live in a "gap".

Seriously though. Do you have a telephone there? A bad Arse satellite dish on your house for cable? What about the grocery store? Do you have one? OK, not serious. Joking. I crack myself up. I hope I made you laugh, too, since I did wake up at 3am JUST to come see you.

Heather said...

Lucky Mona, getting to bale some hay...

I've been to Stone Face. Which you know. Since you took me there.

I don't recall getting to see the library, though. Not that I would have known who the gossip was about, but still...

Where's Mona off to next?

Live.Love.Eat said...

That Stoneface is beautiful
!!!!! I had no idea that even existed. How sheltered am I!!??

And of course Mona was a good girl by you, she was redeeming herself from her visit with me. You rock Lula, you got a bunch of sides to you and I love 'em all.

Lolli said...

"Recreated by some artist...." totally has me laughing. Love it.

I am completely jealous of your 18 acres. I'm not too far from where you are. You wouldn't mind if I came for a visit? Right?

Thanks for showing Mona a great time!

S Club Mama said...

I don't think I realized you were from VA. But a country chick, huh...I wouldn't have guessed that either ;)

Tony C said...

Don't listen to them at the library about me Lula...she was 17 and I was 19...and that's legal!

That sheep story isn't true either! People can be so cruel...

Bekah said...

yay! pictures of your homeland.

Elena said...

Lula, lady you are one of the wittiest peoples I know. You continue to crack me up on a daily basis, and I just love you for that!

Kristina P. said...

I would have loved to see Mona in a methlab.

Sun said...

I didn't get to see Stone Face when I came.. a-hem. So, that means..when we come that I expect a visit.

Miss you girl.

Scary Mommy said...

18 acres??? We were looking at a house with 1.5 and I was totally overwhelmed. Wow! How could Mona not have a blast with you?!

That Girl said...

I live in VA too and I have never heard of that stoneface....pretty cool! Loved taking a tour with Mona!!

Deb Thaxton said...

-->I love living in Virginia. How are you a Georgia fan and not a Virginia Tech fan?

Jen said...

I so want to see Fame but even more than that, I wish that I could see Fame with you. I know that you would get it.

Mmmmm, pumpkin crisp.

Brandy said...

Yes, "Gaps" are a big deal 'round here. TWSS.

Go Hokies! {That was for Deb.}

R K said...

I have always enjoyed reading your blog! Cracks me up...but today not so much.

You put down the place where I was raised. Your husband is a doctor here and that is where you get the money you spent on the 18 acres and the house you live in. You talked about oxy, meth drugs etc, but you failed to mention the friendly people in this town, the close knit community that we have, and friends that have been friends forever. If you don't like it here leave, but if you are going to enjoy the money you make off of us poor country folk then please don't criticize!...especially since you love Jesus so much!

Mama Kat said...

You live on 18 acres!?! Daaaang girl. You need to have at least 8 more kids to help with the harvest.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I can't imagine 18 acres! I've never had more than a little patio or deck.

I LOVE A. Trigiani. Of course I read Big Stone Gap first - can't wait to see the movie. I also loved Lucia Lucia.

Brooke Lockart said...

So fun! And Mona looks a lot like my Twitter avi!

Wow, someone on here doesn't recognize humor. You are always raving about where you live.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

RK needs to chillax. Maybe looking at Paul Wesley's abs would help? Always helps me out.

Heather said...

YOU HAVE A HATER!!! Girl, you have arrived.

I can't find anyone to go see Fame with me. I asked my new little church friend and she didn't act as excited as I was. And PB's response to my invitation isn't publishable. I am not above seeing it by myself and I might just have to do that.

Faaaaame! I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly....hiiiiiigh!

Grand Pooba said...

Geez, looks like Mona was on her best behavior at your place! Wish she would have been good for me!

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CaraBee said...

Well, I think Pennington Gap sounds delightful. And bonus, meth labs! Dude, I've been looking for a nice bucolic mountain town with a good drug supply. Hard to find.

RK needs to step off. I'll cut a biatch that starts fronting on my Lula.

Heather said...

You go, Cara. I'll be right (behind) you.

What can I say? I'm a wimp. But I'll defend our Lula right along with you...

Anonymous said...

the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to understand sarcasm... OR NOT.

oh and i think your tractors sexy, it really turns me on.

man, name all those quotes! do it!

Vicki said...

I'll take this on. It's called humor. Of course Lula loves where she lives. She talks about it all the time. In other venues she's always mentioning the 932nd best reason to live in a small town. And I believe she has mentioned that this is the place she was meant to be. Lula loves her country acres, and she loves it warts and all. Are we not allowed to poke fun at where we live? Girl, (or boy), I have been around people that hate where they live, and you can tell a difference. There was no distaste in her verbiage at all. Besides, are we not allowed to talk about the warts? Are we not allowed to poke fun at the underbelly every now and then (after all, every town, every family, every person has one)?

And I don't see how her acreage has anything to do with this. She'd write the same thing if she were the town drunk's wife, and every town has one of those as well.

Lula, feel free to delete this if it's not taking the conversation where you think it needs to go ;) You always get my back when I catch flack.

Tiffany said...


Back. It Up.

Lula may be one of the kindest, most generous, funny, beautiful people I have ever met.

How DARE you bring up my main man, Jesus, in the same breath as calling her out.

Instead of playing the passive agressive "Jesus Card" maybe you should keep your jealous rage to yourself.

The way I see it, Lula's husband worked his butt off through medical school to come back and serve his people. He could have gone anywhere, but he CHOSE to return to PG.

I can't imagine it was easy for Lula to move into a "close knit community", where "friends have been friends forever". As you, my dear, are no friend.

And, let me say this, that rude comment you left does more to tarnish the people of Pennington Gap than a few meth labs ever could. Fortunately, I know that Lula has told me about many lovely people from your town, although I am confident that you aren't one of them.

You better hope we never meet in a darkened alley.



3 Bay B Chicks said...

This had me cracking up laughing. I was flying high with this post, reflecting on PG and getting excited all over again about meeting you in person. I literally skipped my way to your comment button.

And then I read what "RK" had to say. What's with the hater and why is s/he raining on our parade?

Leeetttt the sunshine in,
Leeetttt the sunshine in.

Just sayin'.