Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Is It Vintage or Retro?

I am a stay-at-home Mama+I drive a minivan+I live in a teeny, tiny mountain town=the vital importance of my subscription to InStyle magazine.

After a full day of swimming and hanging out with my friends Lacey & Erica (while reading Star and OK! magazines--we had to get the latest scoop on Britney, you know), I threw on a grey cotton skirt, a blue t-shirt from Target and my ever-present, always-on-my-feet Reefs. Not exactly frumpy, but certainly not style worthy. In fact, I'd likely end up in the back of Glamour, with a big, black bar across my eyes. That's their polite manner of assessing, "Oh no, honey...don't!" But my clothes were easy and simple, and I was only going out to bring supper to my grandmother-in-law. There was no need for catwalk status. Writing this "out loud" makes me feel better.

So I sit here, listening to Depeche Mode (how "emo" can you get?), thinking that I need a wardrobe makeover. I'd love a closet full of designer threads (BCBG or Calvin Klein, anyone?), or at least a bunch of stuff from Ann Taylor, True Religion, or Anthropologie. But that would require a lot of thought, a ton of new shoes and accessories, and more weight loss. Oh yeah, and a ton of cash. Too much work!

I think I wanna become Winona Ryder, cicra 1989. A new pixie cut for my hair, lots of dark eyeliner in the daytime, and Chuck Taylors in every color imaginable. And maybe Johnny Depp on my arm. I'm just sayin'. Because then I could wear retro t-shirts the likes of these:

I'd dare not sport this around my town...it would just put me one step closer to someone's conviction that one day I'll wind up in Playboy. Ahem.

Admit it. You're now singing the song, and longing to roll in a 5.0, with the ragtop down so your hair can blow.

I love mullets. They are a part of everyday life in these parts, on both women and men. Kid you not! I would rock this shirt with jeans and a black Member's Only jacket. With my pixie haircut.

Alas, I dare not alter my fashion stance too radically. My children wouldn't recognize me without my faithful standards (Reefs and capris in the summer, fleece and boots in the winter), and my husband would complain that my new Winona-look is too boyish. He's all about tight-fittin' shirts and high heels. And let's not even delve into the impression I'd leave on the PTA...or the fine ladies at my bank...or that guy who fills my gas tank while questioning my musical preferences. "That there what they call 'alternative'?" Um no, buddy...it's Linkin Park...and they're fabulous. See my mullet t-shirt? Word.

I suppose Winona will have to wait. There will be no mommy make-over for this girl. It was fun to imagine, though. But next time I'm going to vary the scenario...add about 5 inches to my height, subtract more pounds from my person, and take my shopping spree on over to Frederick's of Hollywood. Yeah, I could do the whole blonde bombshell look.

35 comments:

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Too funny! I just want to wear one of those breast cancer awareness shirts that says "Save the Ta-Tas!" Dare I? I dont' know....
I found you on SITS!
And yes, Ice, Ice Baby is totally going through my head now.

Dawn said...

I am also an Ok Magazine junky! Gotta know what Britney's done this week! I love the Seinfeld shirt & the Vanilla Ice. And I am singing the song in my head now! Have a great day!

Debbie said...

Whoa whoa wait.one.minute. You have people that fill up your gas for you? For real? Wouldn't it be great to do the "What Not To Wear" thing with all that cash, but not have to go on TV to humiliate yourself in the process? I need STACEY and CLINTON!

Kat said...

Oh, I so have a mom uniform. It's capris and t's. And crocs. Or birks. It's comfortable. (and it's what fits...)

Mama Dawg said...

Yeah, it's still running through my head. Gonna have to listen to it on my iPod to get it out. Yeah, I admitted to have that on my iPod. I'm all about the Ice, Ice, Baby. Bring on Snow and I'm good!

iPost said...

That mullet shirt would so be rockin' here in the cornfields in MD too! But i think i will stick to my "Coo Coo for CoaCoa Puffs t-shirt." ;0)

Lauren W said...

I second Debbie. I would be lying if I said that I've never seriously considered hunting down Stacey and Clinton so that they can force me into fabulous clothes before sending me off to see Nick... Anyway, I definitely wear my converses to work almost everyday, and I definitely get funny looks sometimes. They just don't get me here. I say things like, "Oh, I was just listening to Cake." And they laugh at me, thinking that I just made up a new band... *Sigh*... Oh well.
And mullets? Yes. I encounter quite a few daily.

thotlady said...

Thanks for coming by my place. I love Glenn Beck's politics too...but don't tell anyone! :)

thotlady said...

Oh, and I forgot to add, I love Anthropologie! Love their unique clothes.

Katy Lin :) said...

love the shirts! i wish someone would pump my gas! do you have to pay extra for that?

sassy stephanie said...

I say retro, cuz Vintage sounds way too old. Like our parent's crap or something.

I love trash talk mags and celeb scoop. My friend's grandma-in-law buys every mag in the checkout stand that dishes on celebs then passed 'em on to my friend. So, she may be 2 weeks behind, but is always still in the "know".

I personally must be clad in my True Religions (uh, read my header description). But, I love the casual and comfy look too. It is all in how you wear it...it's all about the 'tude.

Caroline said...

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it...Ice Ice Baby...I remember when I was in college (in the years where the song was still lame and not cool again), someone rolled through campus BLARING that song. My friends and I were walking nearby and fell out laughing.

Thanks for the great compliments on my neck and boobs. Anyone who is reading this now is thinking, "What the he**?" Anywho, my neck is real (no plastic surgery), and the girls a real and real spectacular - but only with the right bra, otherwise they might be mistaken for Ethiopian twins. Can I say that here? Anyway, we totally need to get together for a girls weekend. Let's try to plan the madness that would be if we were together.

This comment is way to long, but I know you're lovin' it. Now I'm off to cut my hair in a mullet, cause my peeps here rock them too.

Gina said...

Yeah, I'm with Debbie- although Stacy would probably make me cry.
But there must be life beyond jeans and zip front hoodies.
When we dream though, high heals are easy to walk in and they dont smash our toes and pinch our heals.

Insane Mama said...

Ya know, where I live, anything goes, yet I am still so slow with my fashion changes / hair. It's always so shocking.
Does someone really fill up your gas for you?

Marrdy said...

Let's all go back to the 80's. We would look so totally awesome. Molly Ringwald hair..I would love that!

Brandy said...

You pull me in more with every post...a Vanilla Ice reference AND Linkin Park. Love it.

If I wouldn't feel completely stupid, I would be a lot more punk/goth then any adult should be.

Veggie Mom said...

That first T reminds me of the Terri Hatcher "Seinfeld" episode, which I just happened to catch last nite. While you wear your Reefers, I am in constant contact with my Birkies. And I'm a T-shirt kinda gal, too! BTW, I *tagged* you in a *meme*. Can't wait to see what you've got to say!

Tori said...

ummm... wait. You have a guy who pumps your gas FOR you? You mean, you don't have to do it yourself? Where can I find one of these mysterious people?

Rhea said...

Lula, I love you.

I love vintage t-shirts.

I do not like mullets though. eww.

krissy said...

I've always wanted a pixie cut, but don't have the guts to do it. Way too bold for me. I think I would have to be a fashion diva for a cut like that. hmmm maybe I'll still consider it.

Kim said...

Yup! I love that hairstyle! I think it is me! But you know me and my short hair! By the way, I will have to show you the shirt Amie had about her boobs! It is hilarious! I will let you borrow it sometime!

John Deere Mom said...

So thanks for the song that is now STUCK in my head. Okay. Confession. It's on my ipod. There. I said it. Don't hate.

Amy said...

So I love the Winona haircut. I sported that for a while and loved it....and then waited 3 years for it to grow in. Keep your hair, hold tight to those reefs (those babies can get me to November if the weather holds) and listen to your killer music. It's all good.

Kimberley said...

I tried, oh how I tried to attempt a mommy fashion makeover. I vowed to never buy solid colored target t-shirts, levi jeans, and flip flops again! I watched What Not to Wear until Stacy and Clinton were permanently burned images on the flat screen. I did get some fancy digs, shoes to die for and accessories to boot, and you know what? I would still rather wear my target t's and levi's! I feel your pain!

p.s. where can I get those t-shirts with words and graphics?

Melissa Lee said...

Why won't you do the pixie haircut? Why? I LOVE the idea. How freeing.

And I think someone famous once said "A good hair cut does wonders for your face, your thighs and your sex life."

Who said it?

Me.

Love,
Melissa at Stretch Marks

PhatMom said...

My mom uniform...tee, jeans and flops as long as I can and then I switch to what ever "slips on" my feet in the winter. Luckily we don't go through too long of a winter here.

Thanks for dropping by my page. LOVE to see regulars! lol! And I don't consider you a VA driver unless you were BORN and RAISED here. Next time I head to the bookstore I am buying the first book in the series fo sho!!!

Oh, and a good smut website is Perez Hilton

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

Dang, Lula. I don't know what half of what you wrote meant. But I was laughing my tail off.

Drama Mama said...

Luv my reefs-
Okay I received Breaking Dawn yesterday- now I am just waiting for Eclipse to come in- It better come soon! I am so tempted to go read the ending! But I'm not gonna.

Shannon said...

My sister gave me a tee shirt last Christmas that says "Future Trophy Wife"... I just got up the nerve to wear it in public last week (but all I did was make a quick run to the grocery store)!

Swirl Girl said...

I've got a closet or two full of clothes ...yet I inevitably wind up in some form of sweat type object wrapped (or glued) on my not so hot bod.

Just say no to the 'printed tee' though - go solid or don't go at all.

Angie's Spot said...

Pardon me while I continue to sing Ice Ice Baby.......

Ok, I'm done. For now. And I am seriously going in search of that "They're real..." shirt. I'll buy one and as soon as I lose the next 25 lbs, I'll post a pic of myself wearing it out in public!

Heather said...

Okay...how am I two posts behind?? Did you see these shirts on the Urban Outfitters website? The mullet one is CLASSIC!! Seriously loving it. And I'm going to say go for the pixie cut. You know me...

Vicki @ notsosahm.wordpress.com said...

It's vetro, or rintage. Actually it's gross and should be shot if it's sporting a mullet.

Angela said...

You should definitely rock these shirts!

Leigh said...

Maybe not you...but I would soo wear those t's!! I collecr t's. Now where did you find those fab things? LOVE. LOVE. Lotsa Love.