Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Pics, Or It Didn't Happen.

So here's my proof. I went to Vegas. I must share:

Cue the Barry White...or Marvin Gaye...but turn it up, 'cause check out this room. A white, quilted vinyl headboard? I'll say no more.

She looks all sassy perched up there, that Miss Glitter Gulch. Too bad her hat's not pink, 'cause then I'd name her Rhea. She looks like a Rhea, doesn't she?


What almost-34 year old climbs atop a faux Egyptian ram outside the Luxor? That would be me, obviously. Thankyouverymuch.


After my ram riding (ew,that just sounds wrong!) I donned one of my many wigs and some sequins and took my act onto the stage at The Plaza. OK, clearly this is not me. My boobs are bigger. Is that crass? OK, I'll amend that statement: My breasts are bigger. And right about now my mother is dying a slow, painful, red-faced death. I want that dress, by the way.


For Mariah...because she knows. And she gets it. And we need to get some together, please.


Cher...oh, Cher...how do I express my feelings about you, oh living legend?

Do you believe I'll kick your boo-tay? Count on it.

Will you go down in shame, just like Jesse James? Yes. I will take you down.

If I could turn back time, I'd slap you around a few times.

Gypsys, tramps, and thieves? Yeah, they're all after your boo-tay, too.

Why the vitriol? My friends, it saddens me to tell you that Cher canceled her concert on Saturday night, October 4. That heifer. My dad's waited 66 years to see her perform live. I am very, very, very unhappy with this woman. She crushed a dream, man. To quote my beloved Ouiser, Cher is "evil...and must be destroyed." Amen.

Wayne Brady was marvelous, though...we laughed until we peed our pants. Not really. Or maybe really.

Finally...
I searched and searched all over Las Vegas for my boyfriend. With my husband by my side, just so you know. We never found him, though. It saddens me.
When I do find him, though, I'm gonna ask to borrow this jacket. It's truly rocking my world right now.

I also searched for my new fella...behold:
This is Alexander Skarsgard. I kind of dig him. A lot. And if you don't know how he came into my life, tough tooties...I'll never tell. She won't either.

Other Vegas events not pictured in this post:

My new pink phone (it's so me!)

My new purple bag (it's so me!)

My new 5 pound weight gain (it's so me!)

My photo with Wayne Brady (it's so not me--'cause it didn't happen. Sigh...)

Vegas, y'all. Who's going with me next time? It's a good time. Promise.

33 comments:

Insane Mama said...

HELLOOOOOOOOOO Yes I get you and I love you and land shark, that it what it is right? Or is it Tail Fin? There are a lot of imposters out there 'ya know? Do you?
I do believe I love you!

JourneytoFamily said...

I'm so kicking Cher's butt with you. That was just WRONG. And, I'm loving your purple purse too. ;)

Amy said...

I can't believe she canceled! Bummer. I'm glad you had Wayne though. He's better. Stupid Cher.
I like your new red dress....

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

She cancelled???? Oh.My.Gosh.

Well, something I learned from growing up is that when you want to meet a famous person the best way to do it is to fake a serious illness, and then send a letter to said famous person detailing how it is the dying wish of brother/father/sister/mother to meet said famous person. Then, said famous person will arrive at your home, determined to make the final hours of brother/father/sister/mother good ones.

Thank you Bobby & Cindy Brady for that important life lesson.

KimmyJ said...

I love me some Wayne Brady - he is so talented. And I love Cher to, what the????? Shame, shame, Cher.

heathersister said...

Daaaaang, still sounds like a bunch of fun even though Cher is evil. Kinda like when I went to WDW and wanted to have my face etched into the wall at EPCOT and the machine was broken and we were leaving the next day. They should have paid for me to come back again! Oh well. Glad you had fun anyway.

Heather said...

My sister cracks me up. And so do you. A lot. I say we skip the boats and go to Vegas. Crack each other up, eat a ton, see the sights, and maybe kick some Cher bootay along the way. Just as long as I don't have to visit my SIL. I know, I know, I should be nicer. But I'm not. So there.

Pinky Roth said...

I,too, was so mad that Cher did not perform for us on Saturday night. I was so looking forward to seeing her. Your dad and I use to watch the Sonny and Cher show every week on television to see what kind of outrageous costume she would have on. We saw her in Macon when she was married to Gregg Alman back in the day!

Mom

Heather said...

"If you have any questions...you are to ask them OF ME." Yeah, your vampire man and his touch of an accent is YUM-MY. I would be more than willing to go to Vegas and suss out Cher. Suss her I say. And while we're sussing, we'll get after Jason and SS (newlywed schmewlywed). So what if he just married a model. Wait until you see me in a wig. I'm unstoppable.

Jori-O said...

I'm glad you enjoyed your Vegas trip, Cher notwithstanding. Since I'm still a newbie around these parts, I've just started wandering around your posts and you. are. hilarious. And sassy. I love it!

Brandy said...

Upon seeing the vinyl headboard the my first thought was "easy cleanup". I'm bad. Oh so very bad.

And so is that stinkin' Cher. Canceling on mom and pops like that. What a hussy.

I totally recoginize that blood sucking hottie but I'll keep your secret...if I can come to Vegas too! I'm not above blackmail for invite.

Melissa said...

I approve of this
message....Melissa:)

On Cher(Mister Sister).....I'll quote Jack from Will and Grace....If I could turn back Tioooooowwwwwmmmme!(here's one for Flashback Friday....:)

Rhea said...

Lula,

I'll beat up that bitch Cher for you, for crushing your sweet Daddy's dreams!! Hobag.

I need to see the pink phone and the purple purse! PLEASE!!

And, wow, that glittery cowgirl totally rocks. Do you think my neighbors would mind if I put one on top of my house? Yeah, I thought so. damnit.

And, I'm sorry, that white, vinyl headboard is AWESOME!!!!

Rhea said...

BTW, thanks for the shout out. You sexy, big ta-ta, ram rider. hehe

Kat said...

But what about you with the fancy shoes??

Did you see Alexander's father's movie this summer?

I need to take a bloggy trip. Or at least one that won't cost me $700 in airfare. Or $500 in air fare with a flight spread over 2 days.

Elena said...

Oh no! Darn that Cher for crushing your daddy's dream. And I was so excited to find out if she stayed fully dressed the entire time. But you do look cute riding that ram. ;)

Mama Dawg said...

That sounds like so much fun!

I totally wanna go next time!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Hah, I just noticed your plea in the comment box. You're SO good. Does Stephenie pay you? She should. If I ever do come out with a cookbook, you will be my agent right?

Anyhoo, I LOVE the bed, LOVE the Rhea, LOVE you riding the ram (sounds bad) but not loving Cher. Did they give a reason?

Britt said...

Purple shoes .. purple bag .. if they happen to go missing, don't come looking for them in Iowa .. cause they will be here, and I'll be sad if you take them back. ;o)

Me said...

um, I would have had to get my black light out for that there white velvet bed number

Veggie Mom said...

I'd be some kinda perturbed if Cher cancelled on me, too! Almost as mad as I was when My Packers lost by THREE POINTS to Your Falcons. Have to say, though, the Pack deserved the loss. Don't break up with me, OK? And hey, thanks so much for coming by yesterday and participating in my SITS Featured Blogger Day in the Sun! It's so nice to see a Familiar Face in the torrent of all that Comment Love. Thanks for the support!

Tiffany said...

I am completely obsessed with True Blood. Completely.

Mama's Losin' It said...

That cowgirl DOES look like Rhea. You look like you had so much fun!! You have no idea how much I would RATHER be the hot little vixen strutting to the stylings of Brit Brit...alas...I am not.

Love the vacay posts!!

Robin said...

Sounds like you had fun!! Too bad Cher cancelled, the diva!

Debbie said...

Awww...was Cher laid up with a botched "EYE JOB" or something? What was the Queen DIVA's excuse for dashing the dreams of dear old dad????

sassy stephanie said...

OMgosh. You are so funny.

Kristina P. said...

So, I saw your comment on Good n' Crazy about my adorable little picture.

I hate to burst your Edward bubble, but it's tongue in cheek. I only read the first two books, and then I just couldn't do it anymore.

But, many of my friends and family LOVE the series, and since I love them, we're cool. :)

Drama Mama said...

i'M IN- wHEN ARE WE PARTYING (i MEAN GOING)?

Jennifer P. said...

Boy! I need to have some kind of alcohol-free party with you sometime :)......

Looks like a mah-va-lous Vegas vacation. I actually really liked that white vinyl headboard!

Kelly said...

white vinyl headboard, whoa.

CaraBee said...

Looks like a good time was had by all, Cher's cancellation notwithstanding. I want to see the pink phone! I also gained 5 pounds on my 4 day trip to Kansas. That is 1.25 pounds a day or 3750 extra calories a day. How is that possible?

Mama's Losin' It said...

Boo yuh! I KNEW I commented last week. Suck it.

Angie's Spot said...

Ok, I'm still laughing at the Cher "heifer" comment. That shameless hussy. Such an ingrate! Glad you guys had fun despite her attempt to rain on the parade. I've never been to Vegas but want to go desperately. Sigh, one of these days.