Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"I laugh in the face of danger...

...then I run and hide until it goes away!"--Xander Harris, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer


True confession time, y'all. I am scared of very few things, most of which I'll never own up to here. I embarrass myself enough without exposing every single one of my idiosyncrasies. Some things are better kept buried within the realms of my head and heart.

But today, one of my deepest fears surfaced in my very own little mountain town: The circus. Yeah, that's right. The big top...the ringmaster...clowns, animals, organ music, stale popcorn, balloons, and hordes of screaming children. That circus.

Had I my druthers, the circus would look like this:


Isn't that so dreamy? Behold that child, that baby, riding atop a crowned lion! Loving the jester juggling plates while pedaling his unicycle...brilliant! And I must have that feathery plume adorning the head of the horse-balancing ballerina. Now this is festive! Part Lewis Carroll, part Tim Burton, part childhood nostalgia, and exactly how a circus would appear in my world.

Instead, most Big Top/Three Ring gatherings look like this:


Can you not feel their disdain? Their mortal shame? Imagine being forced to perform in these ridiculous headdresses, while poorly dressed humans snap a stick in your face, upon your legs, against your hide? I just want to hug this pack of pachyderms. But I won't. Because they smell.

Did I mention the other reason I'm scared of the circus? It smells, y'all. Badly. And poop falls in the middle of performances. POOP! Straight-up POOP! That's all I have to say about that.

If I'm paying to see wildlife I'd much prefer it to be on an African safari. Or behind the gates of the zoo. Same premise, I know...same wafting scents, same pitiful animals. Yet zoo animals are not performing in their cages. There's a difference. Really! (Who will be the first to remind me of the boom-chicka-wow-wow meerkats of last May?)

I mean...look at these majestic tigers! Rather, at one point they were most likely majestic...feral...and imposing. Now they are tamed little stunt cats, pimping themselves out for a few treats, easy meals, a place to lay their heads, and a couple of hugs from their trainer, before being herded into a traveling trailer.
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Oh tigers--please don't sit up and beg. It's humiliating! Unless you're begging the audience to just go away...then by all means, continue with your pleading efforts.

Yes, folks. I hate the circus. It frightens me. It smells like poop. The animals make me sad. I receive no joy from it. Did my children know a circus came to their town today? Nope. And none of y'all better rat me out. I'll gladly take the Mean Mother Award in exchange for shielding my precious girls from any tented horror such as the likes of a touring, small-town circus.
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This is my kind of Big Top...Cirque du Soleil's "LOVE," currently being performed at The Mirage in Las Vegas. We saw it last year. It's The Beatles, y'all. And no smelly animals. 'Nuff said.

42 comments:

Trish said...

I've never been to a circus......

it'd probably scare me too!

I solemnly swear that I will never tell your children about the circus.

JourneytoFamily said...

Oh, your post just put the circus in an entirely new perspective for me. I haven't been since I was in college, but I have even less interest in going now. Poor animals.

And you know I'm loving the Xander quote!!! Check out my latest post... you're gonna love it!

Heather said...

I totally agree with you. I've only been to the circus once, and I was NOT impressed. And my kids most likely will not have that experience, either. They can play with your kids, instead. And we can drink beer and wine and margaritas and play Rock Band while they run amuck. That's it; we'll have our very own circus!

Amy said...

Yeah, I'm not a circus person either, or a zoo person. They both make me sad.
Give me Cirque de Soleil any day of the week. That I love. Human tricks. I love tricks.

Sissy said...

I love that Xander quote, first off. And I don't like the circus either, so we can stay friends. I certainly can't imagine that those animals wanted to be taken from their homes and made to perform in silly outfits. And then they go postal one day and rip someone's face off. I absolutely prefer Cirque and it's non-animal, story-telling, jaw-dropping, French (and it always sounds better in French) circus.

Becky said...

Oh...I am sooo with you girl!!

Every year the circus comes to town on the week of my birthday. It makes me so sad, I feel terrible for the animals. It is always on the news, and I watch these poor elephants walking down the middle of DOWNFRIGGIN TOWN Cincinnati in the cold cold March, and think...this is so unnattural. I also have a thing with clowns...yea...I watched Polterguist too young!

Caroline said...

PETA called. They're confiscating your pictures and want you to be their spokesperson. If you don't agree, then they'll have you arrested for Meanest Mom of the Year.

Heather said...

Can't sleep...clowns will eat me.

Lula! said...

Heater just quoted Alice Cooper, y'all. Let's all say it together..."We love you, Heather!"

Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam said...

Hee hee....I'll invite you to my own personal circus. We got the animals, and the poop smells...for free. Trust me, you'll have fun, and I'll brew us some coffee while the kids walk on the tightrope.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Thank you for confessing your fears. Seems to be a big week for confessions around the blogosphere....

I would confess that I love you but YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT!!!!

Got your thong on?

Julie said...

You can never come to the circus in Europe, in Hungary we call it the land of "butts" it is mostly performers all in see through clothes and g-strings. You see so many scuplted butts of both genders and then the animals are few and the ring is small, so the elephant is literally looking you straight in the face... it is odd.

I am not sure you would like it.

Lauren W said...

I've never been to the circus. As a child I had a fear of clowns, and then I saw "IT" and that just cemented it for me. Thanks for reassuring me that I am not missing out :)

a Tonggu Momma said...

I really dislike the circus. And I dislike most zoos. The first time I visited the Baltimore Zoo, I cried. Before that day, the only zoos I had visited were the National Zoo and the San Diego Zoo... both strive hard to create natural habitats. At the Baltimore Zoo - the cages... oh, the cages. I don't think of myself as a PETA person, but there are some things I just can't take. The circus and caged zoos are two of them.

Pinky Roth said...

I never knew you did not like the circus! I loved them when I was growing up, but I will have to agree w/you that they are far different from back in the day, I'm just saying...

Mom

Mama Dawg said...

While I feel for the animals, I love the circus.

Except for the clowns. I hate them.

Rhonda said...

I refuse to go to the circus or take my kids there out of principle. Those poor, poor animals. I have watched videos of the cruelty towards these animals as they train them for our entertainment and it just makes me hang my head in shame.

Wow. That was heavy, wasn't it? lol

Insane Mama said...

Oh Lula- You stole my post. Glad you did you wrote it better thatI would have. I would have ranted on and on and wrote letters to PETA. I dispise the circus. I'm one of those people that would literally unchain the animals.
Remember Dumbo? Couldn't even watch it, when they wouldn't let the mom elephant with her baby.
Stupid circus people

CaraBee said...

I loved the circus as a child, but now it just makes me sad. I feel sorry for the animals and the people all look so downtrodden. I don't know if they always did and I just saw them through the happy rose colored glasses of youth or if things really are different now. I will have to think long and hard before I take my daughter to a circus anytime soon, though.

I love that top picture. It looks so dreamy and wonderful.

Britt said...

I've only been to the circus once .. and that was only because my grandmother wanted to take all of us kids and my mother couldn't tell her mother-in-law no.

My mom hates the circus. I highly doubt my girls will ever go to one, and that thought does not make me sad at all. So your secret's safe with me ;o)

Swirl Girl said...

I.Loathe. the. Circus....and carnivals and any type of troupe performances with oddities and smelly animals and week old cotton candy and cheesey people and people wearing unstructured suede boots.

I refuse to bring my kids to even a petting zoo.

Rhea said...

Lula, don't try to mess with my love for the circus. I'll have to do something horrible...

like, like...but you tickets and FORCE you to go!!

I like the circus but I don't like clowns. They're stupid.

I feel for the animals but enjoy seeing them.

I've never seen Cirque du Soleil, and I desperately want to.

Debbie said...

Too funny. I'm not a big fan either and my daughter refuses to go because of the clowns. So my children have been deprived of circus time (other than Jo Jo's ;) too. Now LOVE Cirque de Soleil! Love love love it.

Aubrey said...

I haven't been to a circus in a grip! Next time one comes to town, I will avoid that one too!

Oh! And I'm so sad. I wanted to catch "LOVE" when we were in Vegas. Sold Out. I guess that's what you get when you don't plan far enough in advance.

Mrs. S said...

I know I went to a circus when I was little...but all I remember were the clowns. And I loved them!

Gina said...

Hate the circus- yes we did go once as kids, Trish.

Hate the zoo.

Hate animal poop smell.

Hate crowds.

Must go hide until the circus goes away.

I will so not rat you out.

Brandy said...

I haven't been to the circus in over a decade and I have no desire to go back.

You're right, it does smell bad and it makes me feel bad for the animals.

Not to mention all the crap they sell for exxagerated prices to the kids. It's shameful how they exploit the animals and your children.

Shame on them.

angela | the painted house said...

Gosh, I so wanted to comment a million years ago on your post about the Pirate Movie and Grease 2--the two movies that unfortunately defined my adolescence. About once a year I spontaneously burst out into "keep pumping and blowing." We should have a Pirate Movie and Grease 2 slumber party. How fun would that be? And if we are still awake, maybe the Princess Bride, too.

Mama's Losin' It said...

Elephants are my favorite animals. It hurts my heart to see them treated so.

I have never been to a circus...nor do I have the desire.

Have you read "Water For Elephants"? A really sweet story and totally about this...

Elena said...

Lula- Thank you for stopping by Idaho today. I must confess that I secretly lurk you and your blog. You're just so blasted funny and those beatiful eyes on your profile...I just can't help myself. But I am a whimp and too scared to comment. Forgive me! Your post about Breaking Dawn gave me chills. So great! And I cried watching Mr Rogers. I love to read your hilarious comments everywhere I go too. So her I am outing myself and now you know the truth. :)

Kim said...

We took our girls to the circus one time in Knoxville. There were no elephants. It was mostly the acrobatic performances. We never took them to the one that comes here. I think it is pretty small and not very entertaining. I surely won't rat you out, because I wouldn't take mine either!

Vicki said...

Reagan has been to one circus. Last year we took her to the Shriner Circus in KC. Let me say it's not the animals that bother me--it's the scantily clad women. It's a circus people, not a family porn show with animals.

Me said...

There is nothing scarier than a clown.

I hate the zoo too (poor animals).

Dawn said...

The circus does smell!! Yuck! I'm always scared an escaped elephant will trample me.

Soliloquy said...

I am TOTALLY DYING to take my kids to see Love in Vegas.

DY. ING.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Another thing is how freakin' expensive they are. Cotton Candy for, what?, $15. OK... I may be exaggerating there, but not by too much. It's highway robbery. Someone just wrote a post about that.

Kat said...

I don't like the circus either. We went to see a small circus a few years ago - and the tigers just made me sad. They were in cages lined up to be let into the ring. And the male tiger kept spraying - I was so caught up in making sure that we were not part of the section that was getting marked as his territory, I could not watch anything else.

Mrs. X said...

The circus is soooo depressing, I can't stand it!

Marrdy said...

I am so with you on hating the circus. But I am scared of clowns. And Stephen King made it worse!

Jennifer P. said...

I am Jennifer P. and I hearby vow never, ever to see another circus again. I was always so ticked off about those stupid $25 glow sticks they were peddaling I didn't even THINK about the animals. Poor pimped out tigers....

And I always feel like rolling out the red carpet when you come by my blog. I tip my hat to your genius :)

Angie's Spot said...

I would GLADLY take in a Cirque show any day over a Ringling Brothers travesty. You know the new Cirque show is coming to Atlanta in January, right? I'm definitely planning a road trip.

Tiffany said...

Yet another reason we are sisters.