Tuesday, September 2, 2008

"Painfully Polite & Hilariously Hostile"

I stumbled upon the most addictive website the other day and since we all need more time wasters, I felt behooved to share my new found fun with y'all. Passive-Aggressive Notes is the place for "painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over." That's a mouthful, but it can be broken down like this: folks get mad, folks leave angry notes & feel better after getting said anger off their chest. Or so they hope.

Here's some of my favorite examples:


"NO TRASH IN FEMININE HYGIENE BINS" I just have to ask...why? And, why? Pads and tampons are trash, no? Does it really matter if tissue, an empty Coke can, or a gum wrapper mix in with menstrual refuse? Furthermore, who is going to be monitoring these "feminine hygiene" bins anyway? The Period Protector? The Tampax Terminator? The Always Avenger? Can't you just hear this being reported to management: Mr. Watson, I regret to inform you that an empty Altoid tin was found atop these Kotex wrappers. We must take offensive action now!




I think the latest issue of Glamour or InStyle, stating trimmed, oval shaped nails as the current height of fashion, would have been much more subtle. Or how about approaching the situation with a bit more decency and decorum? "Hey, let's grab a manicure on our lunch break! We could both use a new look!" Personally I'd be rather impressed if Miss Talon Tips was able to effectively use the keyboard with such long extensions on her digits. I'd probably ask her to type while being accompanied by The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da," because that song was made for fingertip tapping. But that's just me.


Hey kids, it's the winning flavor in "Name The Next Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream" contest! OK, so this is totally a scare tactic that will most likely confound the biggest doofus in any given group of teenagers. That's right folks, stealing ice cream will inflict you with a sexually transmitted disease so seething that no amount of cool creaminess will quench the flames. Take that, sex ed! Who knew it could be as simple as a pint of frozen deliciousness? Ad-Council, are you taking notice?


This is good, but I would've used the mustard for additional highlighting purposes, such as a meanie face inside the zero in "30." An arrow pointing to the message would also be effective, just in case the waitstaff didn't catch the permeating scent of tabletop ketchup. But what I really want to know from these fine diners is why did you wait a full 30 minutes? Yeesh, ya dorks! After waiting 5 or 10 minutes I would have very sweetly and politely (hush up, Beckie, and tell no differently!) stopped any nearby server, asking, "Hey--I know y'all are super busy but would it be possible for someone to just get our drink order? Thanks!" Haven't we all learned a little kindness and a brilliantly-flashed smile go a long way in these type of situations?

Then again, some condiment art looks like a lot of fun. But not at the expense of whomever had to clean this mess. At least the counter top wasn't decorated with syrup...ugh, the sticky mess!

I am loving the Passive-Aggressive Notes site...truly humorous stuff, y'all. If I were brave enough I'd create my own note & hang it in the parking lot of Libbey's school. It would read, "While I appreciate you standing here every morning and afternoon, chatting with the retired men, and nodding your approval at specific families, I'd much rather you actually do something, such as direct traffic, ensure the safety of our children, and put effort into at least pretending you have a purpose in law enforcement."

Yeah, I said it. I went there. I'm totally not taking it back, either.

And now, somewhere within the realms of Lee County proper, a rent-a-cop is howling in anger...he thinks I think I'm sassy. Oh, but I am, Deputy Why-Are-You-Here? I'll face his wrath for the rest of the week, and most likely, the rest of the year. With a smile. Just call me a cheeky monkey!

34 comments:

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

I love the passive aggressive notes site! Cracks me up.
My fave is that "stealing ice cream gives you herpes" note. It's the smiley face at the end that gets me!

{i}Post said...

This is totally along the same lines as happy bunny. Love the condiment art!

heathersister said...

You crack me up! The Tampax Terminator, that is great. Have a good day, see ya soon !!! Back to work for me today but now I can go with a smile and tell my friends about this website, they will love it!

Vicki @ notsosahm.wordpress.com said...

Faves: herpes ice cream and condiment art... That takes serious PA thought and talent there. Could you start posting a PA note every Tuesday!?!

Heather said...

FUNNIEST post ever!!

A couple of things...it will now be referred to as "condimart" and I might have to encourage it (at least on our plates) once before I die and my thought for the day on the tampon bins - once they FIND the offensive trash, how will they go about sussing (love you) out the offender? Will they dust for prints? Take the Altoid tin and put it in a plastic baggy labeled 'evidence'? Let's think about that for a minute.

Dawn said...

I love it!! I will have to go there and check it out! I'm sure I will add it to my list of addictions!!!

Caroline said...

I think my favorite was the ice cream note. That's awesome! I also liked the condimart. Fabulous. Sometimes I get a little P-A. I could probably come up with some notes of my own. I'm working on this. Call me, m'kay?

Heather said...

Hmmm, I liked the "Always Avenger" best. I work with a few P-A people (my boss, who I hope doesn't read my blog); maybe I could use a few of their ideas for a blog post...

Gabe is sitting on the couch right now with his backpack on (over his PJ's). We don't leave for school until 12:45pm. At least he's excited!

I thought you said you live in a small town. You KNOW this rent-a-cop is going to find out about this, right? And you are going to pay, right? But it will be worth it, huh?

I'll call you later. I'm getting Becky set up on her blog today!

Lauren W said...

Hahahaha! Oh man... this soo makes me want to go around my office building sticking up post-its with random PA notes all over them. I would start with... "If the bathroom door is closed, Please knock first." Or maybe, "If you don't knock before entering, you'll get herpes!"

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I LOVE that site - one of my all time favs.

And I'm with Heather... how EXACTLY are they monitoring the feminine waste bins???????

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

I am lovin' that last one with the ketchup. I may have to steal that idea next time.

And the feminine products issue ... PUH-LEASE! We should boycott. I mean, aren't they biodegradable? Who wants to touch those things anyway? Or can't the companies just make every part of them flushable? DUH.

Mrs. S said...

I'm wondering, why didn't the waitress/waiter/cook/owner someone notice them writing on the counter??? Must have been awfully busy!

Trish said...

I LOVE CondimArt..........

Not sayin I've ever done it.

Not sayin I haven't either.

Let's just say there's a Waffle House in North Georgia that I ain't allowed into anymore.

A little Ketchup, Mustard, and leaning the Achy Breaky. Those were good southern times.

Sorry about the School Security Guards....it seems to be a nationwide issue.......

Insane Mama said...

I'm loving the ketchup "note" I'm with you on adding mustard and meanie faces. I think you should sneak over to the school at night and leave a note...PLEASE!

Melissa said...

Herpes? Really? So that's what caused that? Totally joshin'. (Snort)
I will be checkin out this site....that ketchup thing was me....I'm non confrontational. I'd rather just simmer about it and stay really mad. It helps me channel my inner-blogger.

Mama Dawg said...

I totally needed something new to do. Thanks!

Rhea said...

You are such a cheeky monkey, and I LOVE the passive notes. Way too funny, and more crap to waste my time...but FUN crap. :o)

TentCamper said...

Those were great!!!! Nice find Lula

Britt said...

I'm so glad you shared! I love stuff like this :o)

Maybe your Deputy Why-Are-You-Here would like to meet my Mrs. Wal-Mart cart lady who sits on a stool and does not offer or take carts, smile in greeting or offer my kids stickers. What a pair they would make!

Kat said...

I am married to an engineer. Who feels that it is his duty to punish the stupid people of the world. So, when they steal his drink out of the fridge at work, he starts leaving drinks in the fridge for said thief. That he has laced with some chemical that turns your pee blue.

Or for the nincompoops that leave their cars outside of blockbuster rather than pulling into a parking space - and thus block traffic for everyone else trying to get into the shopping center. He might just open the door to your running car and lock it.

Or to that old neighbor of ours with the pristine lawn. So pristine that they sent their dog to our yard to do his business. Yep, that is cabbage that is now growing in your grass.

Don't mess with an engineer. He won't leave notes...

Live.Love.Eat said...

Ah, the sticky note. It brings back childhood memories of me coming home to at least 20 sticky notes stuck to all the parts of the house my mom was apparently disgusted with. I was with my best friend and to this day we crack up about it. Sticky note on the mirror saying "can you see yourself in this mirror, because I can't!!!!!!" and one on the toilet and one on the sink............

Veggie Mom said...

Anyone ever tell ya how HIGHlarious you are? We have great potential for getting passive-aggressive over here. School started today, and I'd like to highlight a few of my students with your mustard bottle!

Swirl Girl said...

This I've got to check out!
I am so NOT passive aggressive....but Hubby is. I - much to my own chagrin - tell it like it is!

Angie's Spot said...

I've got to check out this site. I love the ice cream one. HILARIOUS. You cheeky monkey. :-)

Tiffany said...

HYSTERICAL. I used to say I was going to compile a book of letter I always said I would write.

The ketchup is killing me... seriously, that place had to be a ghost town for them to do that!

Brandy said...

LOL! Those are good...

Here's my submission:

"Sorry my ESP is broke, you'll have to let me know if you are turning".

Kim said...

I have a great idea; Let's call Liberty and see if we can borrow one of their cops for Elk Knob! I bet they would get out there and direct traffic and do their job!

sassy stephanie said...

"Hey--I know y'all are super busy but would it be possible for someone to just get our drink order? Thanks!"

Girl, you's asking for some extra flava in your drink.

btw...I'm in the hotel. I'm not sleeping until I'm DUN!

Debbie said...

Lula...my favorite post of yours, hands down, ever. I laughed the whole way through it. That ketchup one is the best...and I totally love the mustard idea....

Mrs. S said...

I spent a good half hour at that site today, thanks to you! no really, thank you. ha

And you know with the pictures. I took Moose to the zoo and do you think I even bothered with the camera? Nope! Totally forgot. Oh well it was a small zoo & I don't think he cared one bit.

sassy stephanie said...

Ahhh...done. Going for no. 2 tomorrow.

CaraBee said...

Those are so funny! I'm off to go look through the site. How do you find this stuff?

John Deere Mom said...

I have to check that site out. I LOVE the ketchup note. I would never have the nerve to do it, but I love reading about other people who do!

Ronnica said...

I'm with you...what does it matter what kind of trash goes in the bathroom bins?

These are hilarious! My roommate and I once got a pretty note, written in marker, taped above the trashcan in our suite's bathroom stating that we needed to take out the trash. In the time it took to gather the materials, make the sign, and tape it up, they could have taken the trash out themselves! Add in the fact that my roommate took out the trash 3/4 of the time, and you could see why there was a problem!