Thursday, September 4, 2008

Raw.

Dear, Sweet Caroline, your mommy just has to say a few things about yesterday. How I acted...and how you acted. How I responded...and how you responded. And how I begged Daddy to bring home a few (or twenty) Valium.

Because of all that Vaseline...
which led to a bath...
that made us late for the library...
where you then acted less than well-behaved...
and resulted in our fleeing public eye.

Because I said some not-so-nice things to you...
and caused you to really cry...
which prompted me to pray...
while tears streamed down my face.


Because it was 1 minute away from lunch time
and McDonald's said we couldn't order nuggets yet...
which turned into a trip to KFC/Taco Bell...
where you requested chicken and "taters... "
but begged for a taco upon arriving home...
then ended up eating yogurt instead.

Because of a hundred tiny things that happened before noon...
that rapidly grew into a very big deal...
where I lost my cool more than once...
and took it out on you.

Because you deserve a better mother...
and I need to learn new ways of discipline...
Because you are not your sister,
and I need to remember this each and every day...
Because you are fearfully and wonderfully made,
I will try harder every day...
it's the very least I can do as your mother.

Because of all this and more, I ask your forgiveness. I accept the love that you freely and fully give, regardless of my behavior when I have a bad mommy day.

I love you forever...whenever, wherever, whatever.

And now that we both know better...Vaseline is strictly off limits, my dear!


61 comments:

Trish said...

I'm sorry.

She forgives you.

So does HE.

I finished THE book and made those cookies that were in my freezer and now it's nearly 1 am here. I'd share with you if I could.

Love ya!

ugagirl30 said...

I am the world's worst at taking things out on my children. But just as we love our children unconditionally, they love us the same way.

My husband took the house not being clean out on all the kids last night. It was very unfortunate. They hate to be yelled at. Bless their hearts. They are, after all, just kids.

Amy said...

Poor you guys yesterday.
Some days are better than others. (U2, right?)
Today will be better and I love your letter.
I think the most important thing sometimes is just saying sorry....and then forgiving yourself.
Have a great day today. K?

Kelly said...

good to know that others have two-year-old days, too. the fifth time danny threw his cup directly at my face, i kinda lost it. just yesterday. it's a new day today...we'll make it!

CaraBee said...

What? You're not perfect?! I'm shocked. I'm not sure if we can be friends anymore, sheesh. Right.

Don't be too hard on yourself, not everyday can be picture perfect. You are clearly doing a wonderful job as a mother. A little yelling isn't going to negate that.

heathersister said...

So sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. Heather told me all about it while I laughed and awwwed and shared your sorrow. We all have bad mommy days and they still love us because they know we love and adore them. You will both have a better day today. :)

heathersister said...
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Caroline said...

Oh, Lula. If we had only spoken on the phone yesterday, you could have vented and I could have been your therapist. Then you would have needed more therapy after we hung up. I'll have to share my pearls of wisdom with you today. Can't wait! Call me, m'kay?

Heather said...

Have you seen the fabulous wine over at Debbie's? Me thinks we need to sit down and drink now.

Sissy said...

All this going on and then I confused you on email. Sorry, Lula. Just dying to hear what you think!

Heather said...

Lula, I am always available to be your therapist for bad mommy days, as long you promise to do the same for me.

After I got off the phone with you (and found an adorable rug and fall placemats for my kitchen), I went to pick up Gabe. Um, yeah, he was the only kid not lined up to be picked up. He was running amuck on the playground, screaming "I don't wanna leave". His teacher had to wrangle him up and hand him to me, where I promptly wanted to beat him, but I didn't. He did go straight to bed, with the threat of the spankin spoon if he did it again. And yes, I did have a Mike's Hard Lemonade to calm my nerves (it was after 4 :)

Love ya, girl. Thanks for the shout out on your post. You're too sweet.

Julie said...

Hi Lula, thanks for coming to Hungary today... that don't have vaseline here... so no worries on this trip! Seriously though, I can relate to your post and you are not alone. Isn't it great that God loves us despite our failings? I am thankful!!!!

I am praying you have a better day with your little one!!!

sippycupsandblackberries said...

Oh, how we have all been there. Bad mommy days come more frequently than we all want to admit - but then again so does bad baby days...

So, big fat internet Hugs!!

Lauren W said...

I'm sorry that your day was so rough :(
If I were there, I would give you a hug, a glass of chianti, and some chocolate (with a little ganache).
Today will be better. It's a new day :)

Kat said...

OH, this sounds just like my evening. When I tried to send kids to bed but instead kept them up for another hour cracking the whip. I just wanted to lock them in a closet and pretend I was childless.

Heather W said...

We all do have days like this. Don't worry you are not alone.

Dawn said...

Sorry about your bad day. I'm sure she forgives you and hope you forgive yourself. We all have those days and hopefully we learn from them. I'm curious about what she did with the vaseline!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Awe, that was a sweet post! We're all not perfect in how we act towards our kids. But I am sure we all feel better when we talk to them about it like you did. They deserve our sorries and we deserve their forgiveness too!

Mama Dawg said...

So sorry you had one of those days. I completely understand.

Trust me on this, she forgives you.

Becky said...

Hang in there! We ALL have these days! Remember that God chose you to be these children's mother. He has faith in you!

Mrs. S said...

We've had days like this, too. It's hard, especially when my little guy can't even talk yet. I feel bad for yelling at him. Usually I ask forgiveness while I rock him to sleep in the quiet of his room. He always forgives me and so does God.

Just remember that God has entrusted us to His children. He trusts us because He knows we'll do the best job we can.

Jenni said...

Clearly you are not alone. That is one thing I love about reading other people's blogs. They make me see I am not the only one like me. Hopefully today will be better. Thanks for stopping by yesterday.

Insane Mama said...

He forgives, and she forgets. Now, you need to forgive yourself, you are a good mom.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Hi there! Stopped by to check out your highly recommended blog. Love the design and this letter is terrific. And, sadly enough, I can totally relate with it almost on a daily basis.

Looking forward to reading more.

{i}Post said...

Thanks for sharing! We all need to hear about those kinda days to reassure each other that we all have them. *smooch*

Pinky Roth said...

So sorry your day did not go well...I remember those days when you were little. Remember when you were 4, you packed your little going to grandma's suitcase and decided to leave home. I watched you go down the driveway and around the corner before you came back home! I wanted to cry, laugh, and rejoice at the same time. Remember you saying that you would always live w/mommy...time passes so quickly. Forgive yourself, you are a wonderful mother and Caroline knows this.

Love,

Mom

TentCamper said...

Sorry abot your day....and...what???? you are not perfect? come on.

Rhea said...

Blame it all on the vaseline, that biotch. She started it.

Angie's Spot said...

Sorry you had some less than stellar mommy moments yesterday. It happens to all of us. And we all feel like crap when taking out our frustrations on those adorable little faces. My oldest has taken to saying "Mommy, I'm really trying to be nice to you", whenever I get out of sorts. I hate that she now has a phrase to "handle" me with.

Robin said...

I so get those days. I have had quite a few lately with my 9 year-old. This is a new experience for us.
As for Larry Mullen, Jr. YAY! I was impressed that somebody would recognize him!! And I would fight you for Spike. He's the whole reason I got caught up in Sunnydale!

Swirl Girl said...

Can I use this ???

Please , please, please??

You, so eloquently , put in to words the apology to my girls that I want and need to recite daily!

Vicki @ notsosahm.wordpress.com said...

Oh sweetie, you know we have days like that in this house. Too many of them really. Haven't gotten into the Vaseline yet, but we did experience the dumping of a salt shaker yesterday. The only thing to do is to run to His arms.

Kim said...

Little girls are wonderful and precious! I had a Libbey and Caroline just like you! Amie was Libbey and then there was Kristi who could always find some kind of mess to get into! But trust me they grow up and you miss them desperately and you long for those big messes to clean up! It comes all too soon!

Mama's Losin' It said...

Oh that's a bad feeling. OHHHH that's a bad bad feeling. You're not alone, we all have our limits of tolerance. This was so well written and my eyes totally welled up...because I so hate that feeling...

Mama's Losin' It said...

ps don't MAKE me put that suit on...we both know what day it is tomorrow...

Brandy said...
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Brandy said...
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Brandy said...

We've all been there! I'm sure she loves you unconditionally, just as you love her.

Here's to better days and endless amounts of patience.

Brandy said...

Sorry for the duplicates!

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

Hi Lula! just circling back from TX here. Thanks for the comment you left in my blog.

Good to land on your blog again. I've landed on your blog before but I don't know from where.

Anyway, the Lord loves a soft heart and I think that is what you have!

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

btw, what brought you to Austin last month?

gritandglory.com said...

i linked on over from soliloquy's site. i appreciated your candor and transparency in this post. plus, you're a fantastic writer.

thanks for this.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Awww ... you are right. We do all have days like this where we wish we could take those words back. I'm glad my kids love me despite my faults. There's been many a time when I've had to go and apologize for losing my cool. I know you can't believe that, but it's true. Don't let it get you down.

In the words of one of my favorite characters, Scarlett O'Hara, "after all tomorrow is another day."

JourneytoFamily said...

Hey... don't break up with Debbie... she's only known me a short time herself... though we've become fast friends!

Looks like we have a lot in common... you forgot to mention Twilight AND we're exactly the same age.

Ok, I'm adding you to my blogroll now. :)

Michelle said...

This is the story of my life, expressed much more eloquently than I could have ever expressed. My darling 2 year old pushes me to my limits on a daily basis, and sadly I lose my cool quite often! It drives me bananas though that he does things that he KNOWS are wrong or that he shouldn't, just to see if he can get away with it. His latest, sticking a nickel in the SD slot on my laptop! Thanks son, 'precciate it!!

God knew what He was doing when He made Collin so irresistibly cute though because I can't stay mad at him. He sure knows how to pull his mama's heart strings!

Leigh, you and I should talk on a daily basis and share what our little ones have gotten into that day. Maybe we wouldn't feel so alone in our frustration! ;-)

JourneytoFamily said...

SHREAK!!! You're in to Buffy too? (or at least Spike) Sigh. I think we're soulmates, you and I. Or maybe kindred spirits. :)

JourneytoFamily said...

juliebot@socal.rr.com


(your readers must think I'm a stalker by now. )

:)

Veggie Mom said...

My youngest (now 18) and I were discussing The Old Daze the other day, and the subject of Potty Mouths came up. Let's be frank--The Wild One has always had a mouth on her! One day I was fixin' to wash that nasty mouth out with you-know-what, and I just blurted out, "You want the bar or the liquid?" That sent us into such a fit of giggles that nobody got punished that time!

Kristen Schiffman said...

Well, my computer hates me. lol. I just tried to write a comment- rather long, and it deleted it for some awful reason...

The basic summary: A mother who asks for fogiveness is a mother whose child arises and call blessed.

This is a testament to the Christ-offered access we have to forgiveness.

I've been there, girlfriend, some days are just downright hard.

Marrdy said...

What a sweet post. It's always a learning and growing time when you are a mom.

Debbie said...

I was thinking about you today! This post was fabulous as usual. And yes, she will forgive you because that is what kids do. And yes HE will forgive you because that is what HE does. Don't beat yourself up...we have all been there...done that...and our kids will turn out fine. I feel horrible for sending my whiney email yesterday...I have my perspective now...so don't worry about responding...Take care my sweet friend!

scargosun said...

Awww! You are such a good Mom! If you didn't lose it once in awhile, you would not BE a good Mom. :)

KristiLU said...

I am pretty sure that I have nothing to do with Caroline's misbehaving. I taught her only good things. Well it may be might fault because she is depressed I am gone and it is really upsetting her! Sorry I will try to visit more.

KristiLU said...

I am pretty sure that I have nothing to do with Caroline's misbehaving. I taught her only good things. Well it may be might fault because she is depressed I am gone and it is really upsetting her! Sorry I will try to visit more.

Gina said...

Lula,
It's not that I don't love the post- because it was totally sweet and brilliant and true. I just keep looking at the top of that beautiful head and wondering where a good Northern girl like me can get some of those fabulous bows.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I lost it with the girls last night. I went back to them and asked them to forgive me. Gert hugged me and rubbed my back and said "Let's not let this happen again."

Z's Mom said...

Oh, I'm so glad I read this post today! I'm having that EXACT type of day today....well, okay not exact, there is no Vaseline involved.....but I just can't seem to get it right with Z today and all I really want to do is duct tape him to a chair in his room. That's bad. I know.

I hope your having better days now. Your a great mom! She knows it.....and so does He!

One thing to remember about a bad day is that this too shall pass....

Britt said...

Oh, honey .. I've had a week like that. Thanks for that post. I needed to know I'm not the only mommy who messes up and knows how to say sorry. Thank you for that!

heidi said...

Oh, man, who DOESN'T have days like that?! I often say that God makes kids cute as a defense mechanism. I mean, you can be completely fed up one minute and then just melt 30 seconds later.

My 9 year old just came and glared at me because her 2 y/o brother ruined her hair. See? Good thing she's cute.

I'm heidi, btw, nice to meet you. :-)

Kaley said...

I'm crying right now, thanks to this post, Leigh Anne! Thank you for being raw and real. The timing couldn't be more perfect since I just lost my patience with a certain little boy who is still not completely potty trained.

I love you.

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Aw, sorry your had such a bad day there. Your little girl is a sweetie. Hopefully no more vaseline will help!

Congrats on your SITS day!