Friday, June 5, 2009

Play Nicely.

Elsie De Wolfe (who was so fabulous that I will one day devote an entire post to her) once said:

"Be pretty if you can,
be witty if you must,
but be gracious if it kills you."

I would love to take this bit of wisdom put it in the first chapter of the "Proper Etiquette Guide For Bloggers" manual.  

What?  There's no manual such as this?  Well...that certainly explains a lot.

Over the past few weeks one of my favorite bloggers, who also happens to be one of my favorite people in real life, has been receiving the most salacious, vengeful, rude, and hurtful comments on her posts.  And these posts are not controversial in nature--just daily musings on her life as a newlywed, daughter, sister, and friend.  Yet the haters seem to be coming a force seemingly fueled by jealousy.  

I. Don't. Get. It.

I realize we are all entitled to our own opinions, on every topic from politics, music, books, and which brand of milk is best.  (For the record--Horizon Organic Skim is tastiest.  Just sayin'.) I realize we're entitled to voice our opinion whenever the mood strikes.  But personally attacking someone on their own blog?  Someone who is not Ann Coulter or Keith Olbermann, that is...I just do not get it.

I'm not always a gracious person in real life.  In fact, less than 10 seconds ago I just got rather snarky with my husband. (I will ask his forgiveness...after The O'Reilly Factor is over, that is, because his ears will be closed to me until Bill stops opining.)  But I do try to be a kind commenter...even when I disagree with a particular post, especially if it happens to be written by one of "my" people.

I try to be gracious if it kills me.  I think we could solve a lot of problems in the world if only we'd add a little grace and kindness to our speech.  And by "we" and "our speech," I mean M-I-N-E, first and foremost. 

End of soapbox/sermon/rant.   

But not end of post...
I want to give my dear, sweet, beloved friend, Lizzy, (better known as Hot Tub Lizzy to some of you!) some lovin' here.  Because two days ago I got this in the mail:

No more Calico Devastation!   A brand new Holly Hobbie spoon rest (tea bag holder, whatever) showed up at my house and I wept.  Wept, I tell you.  Tears of joy, tears of thankfulness, tears of gratitude.  When I asked Lizzy why she felt compelled to send such a treasure, she replied, "It was something you needed...I found it...thank God for eBay...end of story."

Lizzy is the epitome of graciousness and thoughtfulness.  Again, my friend...I thank you.

Happy weekend, y'all!

Oh, and Happy Birthday to our niece, Helen Katherine, who turns the big ONE today, June 5th. We love you...and your awesome "did," and squishy-nosed expressions!!!


Kristen said...

I've never understood this myself. Why can't we all play nice? Or at the very least, keep our pie holes shut. ; )

Gina said...

Lizzy seriously Rocks.
And mean people need to SHUT IT!

Lauren said...

Dude, you are so right about this:

"Horizon Organic Skim"

It is the tastiest. And I love you even more because you like skim.

I am kinda in love with you. Skip the "kinda"...I am in love with you.

Julie said...

wow, I would be crushed if I got a lot of hate comments. That stinks!!

What a blessing Lizzy sent that to you, so wonderful!!! Enjoy!

Shannon said...

I don't get haters. Mean people just suck.

And Lizzy? She is da bomb.

Lauren W said...

Well said, Lula. Well said.

CaraBee said...

Honestly, what kind of weird high do trolls get out of leaving nasty comments? One of the downsides to this whole internet anonymity thing. These cowards would never have the nerve to say anything in real life, but give 'em a keyboard and a dark room and they can say some of the nastiest stuff you could ever imagine. I'm sorry your friend has been subjected to it.

How sweet is Lizzy?! She really is a doll!

Anonymous said...

I don't quite understand why people do that. I see it alot on bloggy friends pages and I think why are they even wasting their time to put a comment!

So sweet of your friend to find that for you!! That baby is way to cute! Happy Birthday to her!!

Heather said...

I want to nibble that child's cheeks. The spoon rest is adorable!! I broke mine too! Mine is little tea pot that says "I hold the bag" circa 1950. My little handle broke off too. Of course we would both use vintage tea bag holders as our morning coffee spoon rests.

Laura said...

Preach on, Sista Lula! Have a great weekend!

Vicki said...

One of my biggest problems is to speak the truth in LOVE. Truth should be spoken, but never nastily. Don't know if these haters are trying to speak truth or are just nasty. I'm learning that women never really grow up from high school... Drama is the name of the game for most (maybe that's just in the military, but I doubt it). I've been contemplating that a lot this last week of constant cleaning and scrubbing. Whatever. I hope your friend is able to slough it off. Nasty women will do anything to bring others down.

Kat said...

How horrible. Why is the world populated with mean girls? I spent all last night consoling my 11 year old because none of the girls her age will "acknowledge her existence." They don't say or do anything. At. All. This is such a tough age...but these commenters...they need to be reminded that they are not 11. They need to grow up. And then teach that graciousness thing to their children, too.

And isn't Lizzy faboolas? The epitome of gracious...

Heather said...

One of my favorite sayings?

"It doesn't cost any money to be kind."

You would think it did, though, the way some people withhold kindness from others.

Such a shame.

I love Lizzy. I love that she found this spoonrest, and sent it to you. And that baby? Edible, I tell you, in a very non-cannabilistic kind of way.

Funky Kim said...

I love that quote! I need to frame it and put it in front of my face on a daily, hourly, minutely (is that a word???) basis.

People are rude. Especially online as they don't have to be face to face. They need help.

And that picture of your niece! OMGosh! I wanna eat her up with a spoon!

Caroline said...

That was so sweet of Lizzy to send you Calico Restoration.

And Helen, let me just say...cute, squishy baby (PRECIOUS!).

Sorry about all the meanness that is directed at your friend. Beth Moore has some great things to say about meanness in her Esther study. Do I remember them now? No, but they were definitely good. It's Beth Moore after all.

Jen said...

Agreed about the haters and trolls. I think the hatefulness has become ingrained in our culture, with the gossip sites and tabloid magazines trying to knock people down a peg or two. It's always been a fine line between sarcasm and snark (which, I admit, I cross at times), but it's now far too easy for people to hide behind a computer screen and spew nastiness. And it makes me sad, really, that people feel the need to turn on someone who has such a postive outlook on life. Rant done.

What a nice bloggy friend you have to send the new spoon rest (a-ha! there is goodness in the blog universe!). Ebay can be marvelous!

Missy said...

Amen to your post. I happen to know someone that blog is a complete lie! But whatever floats her boat! But I have never been compelled to leave a mean comment on anyone's blog.
Thank you posting your friend's blog link - going to show her some bloggy comment love. It sounds like she is a wonderful friend!

Christina said...

Why are some women so catty and have to beat other ladies down. Such a shame.

Hurray! What an awesome gift. That was so nice of her.

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I agree, the truth needs to be told, but definitely in a nice, non-condescending, non-threatening way.

I guest posted somewhere last week, and I got the rudest comment from basically said that what I said was boring and pointless, and that once he did see a point, it was a totally ridiculous point that I made and so he sarcastically made fun of me.

If it was that boring, why did he take time to read it, let alone comment on it?

I was brought up with the phrase, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." :)

Bekah said...

fine. i'll stop being anonymously mean

one time this girl left the meanest thing in the WORLD on my blog- then deleted it... little did she know i got an email telling me before she deleted it.

Marrdy said...

I really do dislike commenters who are mean. If you don't like what is posted move on. And remember Thumper. Be nice or go away.

And what a wonderful friend Lizzy is and where did she ever find this??

Elena said...

Ugghhhh...I don't understand that mean thing at all. Thank goodness I have never had a mean commentor. Honestly why would you even read someone's blog if you didn't like them? Weird. Your poor friend!

And Lizzy is the cutest thing ever! What a treasure!

Anonymous said...

My hubby is way into Bill O'Reilly as well, WAAAY into. :) I sooo understand the ears being closed whilst the great O'Reilly doth opine.

Jennifer P. said...

so true about the graciousness. I'm sorry about your friend and the one who isn't playing nicely. Are they by chance hiding under that ever so convenient "anonymous said" ?

And that Lizzie---what a kind and thoughtful gesture! I'm glad you and Holly are back together!

And your comment today on my death post---bwahahahaha! I more pictured the three men sitting along the side of my bed, but hooha! if they were in it with me, all the better (and I can see why I probably died :) !).

You enjoy your weekend with a vengence Miss Lula!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, that is just the BEST gift EVER!!

I am constantly in shock over the craziness in blogville. I still can't get over how mean people can be - and cowardly. I wonder if these people would say those things to a person's face - probably not. But then again, maybe they would! I'm just so thankful to have such wonderful bloggy sisters who know how important it is to speak the truth in love - even when they disagree.

You rock, by the way. Just thought I'd tell you that today! ;)

Brandy said...

As someone is who is ALWAYS nice & sweet...yeah right! I'm not fooling anyone.

Seriously though, even when I disagree, I do it nicely. I don't have to believe what you do but I will respect your blog. And if I really couldn't pull it together enough to do that then I wouldn't comment at all.

Jen said...

that is the cutest picture ever! (well expect for a picture of one of my kids.)

Anyway, people if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. Or if you disagree with some one fine then tell them but don't hate. Its just not good.

Anonymous said...

people are lame is what i've come to figure out but what i dont understand is if you dont have anything decent to say, why say anything at all? just move on down the road and find something you do like?

who needs to waste energy on negativity when theres already so much in the world? be positive and your OWN life may change.

Swirl Girl said...

blogs are like tv shows. if you don't like what you are seeing - change the channel!

I try to be nice when leaving comments...and if i don't have anything nice to say - I say nothing at all.

and lizzy is a doll!

and that sweet 'mugging' for the camera baby is too much!!

ParentingPink said...

I'm so there with ya Lula! Us "Southern Bells" know how to be GRACIOUS and I truly believe that should carry over into the blogosphere. I am so sorry that your friend has been 'targeted' (I've actually heard of people targeting blogs for no reason). She - and others like her - certainly don't deserve this kind of treatment!

On a happier note, I am so glad that you got a replacement Holly Hobbie from Lizzie! What a wonderful friend and a nice surprise! See - that is a perfect example of how the blogosphere SHOULD work! After all, all us mommies are "in this together!"

Have a great weekend!

sassy stephanie said...

I agree. What is the purpose of being rude in commenting? The need of it? You wouldn't go to someone's house and be nasty. Well, hopefully not, but I guess some peeps are just from a different breed.

Happy birthday HK. One is awesome!

Nicole said...

As cheesy as it sounds, you cant say it any better....."if you cant say anything nice, then dont say anything at all"!!!! If I dont agree with something, I just get on with my life and dont bother to leave a comment. I RARELY come across a blog that doesnt sit well with me though!

Melissa said...

Lizzy is so great! I love her!

Some people obviously don't have a life and need to butt into others. Dumbies.

Em said...

I have a theory on most blog trolls - they're either 45-year-old men living in their parent's basements or they're 15-year-old girls who are tired of getting blocked from MySpace.

Pathetic, really. I'm so sorry for your friend's issues.

And girl, you know I'm jealous of the Holly Hobbie tea bag holders. Pea green!! Very well done, Lizzy.

Dancing Phalanges said...

Your neice is too adorable for words :)

You know, I love how young you are. I am only 26, yet could easily be mistaken for your average 55 year old. Maybe I should have some daughters...

Sun said...

Why can't we all just get along??

I mean really.
What ...are we in middle school again. Tell these folks to stop wearin' it out. .

Congratulations on your new set!!!

John Deere Mom said...

How sweet is Lizzy to get you the spoon rest?! Awesome, she is!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I don't understand the nasty trolls either. Get a life, peeps!
I love that Lizzy got you the spoon rest. She's such a sweetie!

Angela said...

I don't get people who have time to leave nastiness all over the web. I mean seriously. I can barely find time to leave bloggy love for all my friends. Who's got time to be hatin'?? Grrr!!!

And I love Horizon...2% that is, LOL. I can't do the skim thing, although these unwanted pounds would sure come off faster if I'd lay off the half and half in my coffee and the 2% milk!