Thursday, June 19, 2008

The First Time.

The follwing is a true story. Unlike Geico, though, I cannot find D-list celebrities to act it out for me. Joan Rivers was too busy apologizing for dropping F bombs on live TV in England.

Tonight at the close of VBS (Vacation Bible School) one of Libbey's friends was running around in a pair of neon yellow goggles and flippers...on dry land...and it was pretty hilarious. Jackson, my sweet, please wear this get-up to church on Sunday, as it rocks. I'm standing there, chatting with Jackson's mother about his adorable fish-out-of-water-self, when Mary turns to me and says, "Casey was very upset to learn that Jackson kissed Libbey."

OK. Stop. First of all, Casey is our pastor's daughter. She is 5. Libbey and Jackson are both 6, born just a few weeks apart. But stop again.

Me: Whaaaaaat? WHAT?
Mary: Oh, didn't Scotty tell you?
Me: Whaaaaaat? WHAT?
Mary: son kissed your daughter in your pool last Friday.
Me: NO. Seriously. Wait, he kissed her? In the pool? Where the crap was I?
Mary: I don't know...but it was on the cheek. Everyone saw it. I thought you knew.

I'm all twitterpated and flustered (I KNOW, right? Extremely rare for me!) and going, "My child has been kissed and this is the first I know about it?"

At this, several others start chiming in..."Yeah I heard about that," and "Your husband told me about it on Sunday."

Whaaaaaaaat? WHAT? Scotty knows about the afternoon pool delight?

Because she is godly, a good friend, and loving, Mary (I love you, girl!) comes to my rescue with the real dope deal of how things went down:
Mary: I don't know what got into him. He said he just went over and kissed her on the cheek.
Me: Wait! My child has been kissed--even if only on the cheek--and no one, not even said child or her father bothered to share this news with me?

By this time Mary is feeling really badly for me. But she knows I'm not upset...I'm just stunned.

Then my pastor's wife chimes in that her 5 year old daughter has somehow oveheard the story of Pimp Daddy Jackson laying a good one on my sweet, innocent baby. And Casey is none too pleased, as she loves Jackson and wants those smooches for herself.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives, the Junior Version.

Jackson explained to his mother, "I like Casey. But I love Libbey."

This is why he was overwhelmed with the urgent desire to plant one on her, I suppose.

Later on in the evening I was able to ask Libbey her side of the melodrama. (It's a melodrama in my head, at least.)
Me: So...why didn't you tell me Jackson kissed you last week?
Libbey: I don't know. I told Daddy.
Me: But these are things you tell Mommy about FIRST.
Libbey: Well, OK, but he just walked over and kissed me on the cheek. I said, "Jackson, why did you do that?" He just wanted to, I guess.

With that she returned to eating potato chips, completely nonplussed by the event. Meanwhile I've spent the evening singing Prince's "Kiss," praying to God that antics of a Prince nature will elude my girls for at least 20 more years. Heck on that, there better be NO antics of a Prince nature until they are married. Then they can fly their freak flags all they want, just like their Mama.

And my lingering question is: How am I ever gonna break this to Mrs. R.? Oh, please don't tell The Boy. And keep him away from little southern girls in the swimming pool. Apparently they're irresistible.
Daddy & Libbey, Summer '07, when she was still young, innocent, and required floaties for confidence. Now she swims the length of the pool, goes underwater without holding her nose, and stands calmly while a young boy snogs her precious little face. My, how we've grown. Sigh...


Gina said...

Here's my mantra:
There. Will. Be. No. Kissing. There. Will. Be. No. Kissing. Do you understand?
So far they do. They are 10, 8, 7, 6, and 3. That does not mean they have never been kissed. It just means that when they are kissed they repeat what I have drummed into them.
There. Is. No. Kissing.
I feel for you with those GORGEOUS blonde southern girls in your swimming pool....

Manager Mom said...

I had one of those today when I picked my daughter up from her afterschool program and she told me her friend Jack had kissed her on the lips, so now they were "married".

I could not process anything even resembling an intellignet response!

Heather said...

My angelic child still has not been marred by such shenanigans. Mrs. R, the dowry of two goats and a chicken is still available. Call me (whispered).

And please use the word nonplussed in your posts more often. Thankyouverymuch. I can now hear you telling your stories with your delicious accent when I read your posts. And I can hear Libby saying, "Jackson, why did you do that?" (insert thick southern accent in a tiny, little voice).

Kim said...

And today precious Libbey is more worried about getting her "toes" painted than anything else. So, isn't too worried about dating drama just yet! Ha!

Teri said...

Oh, I know how you feel. Aaahhh. Sorry, my mind has a hard time dealing with this with my own kids. I need to go look at their innocent baby pictures quickly so I will feel better.

notsosahm said...

Girls and drama, it starts so early. You know that I know. Pinch Little Don Juan's ears the next time you see him (in secret, of course) and let him know there's more where that came from if he goes near Libbey again.

Kat said...

I would not be surprised to hear that one of my girls had kissed a boy...or even chased him round and round to catch him and plant one on him.

Lula! said...

Vicki (or notsosahm, since that's what you're listed as!), when I relayed this story to Poppy, he was very uneasy and replied, "I'm gonna kick Jackson next time I see him. I'm just not ready for this." It was both precious and pitiful at the same time...these Daddies and Poppies and their little girls...

Neurotically Yours: said...

This story it too funny - love it!

KimmyJ said...

Jackson, better watch it! The SITStas will be on to his wicked ways, smootching up one of our innocent baby girls - it's dangerous, let me tell you! Where's Mrs. R - you saw what she wrote to the crazy book lady!

Trish said...

ohhh come one, you gonna let that sweet little darling blonde haired blue eyed southern belle of yours feign innocense? I mean look at that smile, if that isn't a come hither smile then I don't know what is. And I am sure that she was sitting across that pool from little Jackson just batting her eyelashes and gigglin away.
You can not put all the blame on jackson.

Said lovingly from the mother of boys who hopes she never really has to use that line in real life.

Adiel said...

Oh my, that is too funny! Well told as well!

TentCamper said...

Oh my, a kiss a six?
Why didn't Scotty tell you?
Wait, wy ar you the last to know?
Ahh sheesh Pool delight?....

scargosun said...

That is too cute and very funny. I was kissed like that too at like age 6 by a boy who was visiting his grandmother across the street from my grandmother's house. His name was Matthew.

Angie said...

Oh my, I'm so not ready for first kiss talk. My oldest is 3 going on 15, so I know my days are numbered.

Caroline said...

You should take another picture of your husband and your daughter in the pool, only this time, have him look more menacing. Then you can send it to Jackson as a warning of what he's got to deal with if there's more smooches in the pool or anywhere else for that matter.

insane mama said...

Tentcamper stole my word
Sheesh is MY word.

Now, back to the comment:
At six? Hmmm did she kick his butt? My son got paid to let a girl kiss him on the cheek and I was like... you go!
So cute!

Pinky Roth said...

No, no, no, Libbey is much too young to be letting a little guy do this! I liked her comment she made to him...I can just picture this happening!



Debbie said...

Been there done that. My daughter played Jasmine and Aladdin with the boy across the street when they were 4 and 5. He kept kissing her on the cheek and vice versa...then when we vacationed together she brushed her teeth while he went potty! We saw that and just said WHA??? They were like an old married couple. They are best of friends to this day, but we had to put a kabash on the secret was funny at 4, but won't be funny at 14!

Tracey_iPost said...

This is what you get for being the mom of gorgeous girls! It is only donw hill from here. Sorry girl.

Kim said...

At least it was a just a little kiss on the cheek! When they are 18 I'm afraid it is more than kissing on the check, but it better not be any more than that!
By the way...Jackson was walking around in flippers tonight after VBS. He was quacking like a duck and said, "Libbey, guess what I am?" From kissing one week to quacking the next!

Christie said...

Awe...the first kiss. I can't believe your hubby didn't say anything.
Cute story!

LaQuintamomof3 said...

So... does this mean that perhaps Mrs. R and I should be talking about a new arrangement? I am not above that. My princess, only 3, I am sure could live up to the expectations :) Just kidding...
Oh, innocence. Love it!

Mom o'Bean said...

Holy cow! Covering my ears and chanting NO NO NO, because I don't want to hear about precious little girls being kissed by devious little boys. My hubby and I are VERY afraid of this stuff, and our girl is only 8 months!

BTW - Battlestar totally rocks! And I also love, love, love LOST!! And I was born in Georgia - long lost sisters? Maybe!!

Mrs. R said...

I feel news such as this would be better shared in private. Future in law to future in law.

Tell that pimp daddy Jackson to keep his hands to himself. Kissin' our Libbey.

Plus, you know my Scott is 6'4 and full of muscles. And Will is on his way to lookin' like his daddy...tell that punk to watch his step.

I am totally with Heather (shocking) use nonplussed more often. It makes me do a double take an laugh.