Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Summer's Eve.

Update, 8:15 pm, Wednesday.
My parents & nephew are visiting for a few days (round of applause for the Roth crew, in from middle Georgia!) and I shimmied over to the computer to do my rounds (as Debbie brilliantly described it) with my mother asking, "What are you doing?" I explained, and then she hit me with her best shot:
"I'm not believing you blogged about your tootie, Leigh Anne!"
Yes, Mama. Believe it. You have raised me well.

As I've mentioned before, I have a modicum of dignity and decency. About 90% of the time. Here's when the remaining 10% comes into play.

On Mother's Day my kind mother-in-law gave to me some aromatherapy body wash & body cream that she'd found at our one and only gift shop here in the country. I immediately began slathering on the cream because I'm a sucker for thick, rich, smelly goods...and this particular stuff was "Ginger Mint" fragranced., i.e. perfect for the burgeoning summer. I put the body wash on hold until the stuff already in the shower was used up. That was yesterday.

Tonight, after a full day of dealing with the worst sinus infection ever (it will be documented, folks--I'll see to it once I'm better), as well as a seething case of pink eye (in both eyes!), I decided to break out the new stuff from my MIL...again, the Ginger Mint stuff. My head might be thisclose to exploding and my eyes might look all vampiry, but doggone it, at least this body can smell and feel fresh and clean, right?

I commence with the bathing and while rinsing off, a tingling feeling began to form in a rather auspicious location on my person. Yeah, there. Y'all know where I mean. I grabbed the tube and began to read, certain there'd be a huge warning: "DO NOT USE NEAR OPEN ORIFICES," or something of that nature. Instead, this is what I found:
Look no further for a natural and gentle body wash. The revitalizing and fresh aroma of Aura Cacia's Ginger/Mint Body Wash will energize your mind and rejuvenate your spirit--while gentle, non-drying coconut cleansers leave your body spotless from head to toe. Ginger/Mint--warming and replenishing.

Replenishing? Well, I guess. But warming? Oh, heck no! Had she felt this tingly sensation, I do believe my 6 year old would've yelled, "My tootie's FREEZING!" The Ginger Mint didn't necessarily "energize my mind," but it did deliver a shocking jolt of minty fresh coolness to my nethers.

Mama, there won't be any sunset walks along the beach, wearing twinsets & pearls while the waves lap at our bare feet, and our pants rolled just high enough to avoid saltwater damage. Because not only am I now clean, I'm also minty fresh. And it ain't my breath I'm talking 'bout. I now have that yes-it-is-so-fresh feeling. Who knows? Maybe it will travel north and clear my chest and sinuses? A gal can dream... And y'all know I had to drag my puny self right to this pink laptop and share with all you blogging pals. Right about now, though, the SITS gals are shaking their heads and wondering, "Minty tooties? Maybe that's the secret in the sauce!"

82 comments:

Vicki @ notsosahm.wordpress.com said...

Welcome to Lulaville: Come explore the nether regions!

Please do something about Always with wings :)

Kat said...

Don't you watch Dr. Oz? Your nethers are like a self cleaning oven. They don't need additional soaps :-)

Oh...I got my mom hooked on "Weeds" today...and I am listening to it while blogging...and one of the main characters was just discussing "Letting your freak flag fly." Thought you might like to know you have a kindred spirit on the show!

insane mama said...

holy smackarony... So, is a good tingly feeling or a not so good like Bengay... I mean not that I have tried Bengay in the Nether regions, but you know what I mean.
Happy tingling!

Greg said...

ROFL. As a word of warning to "insane mama" do not try Bengay in the nether's....without going into too much detail, when I was about 22 I had an accidental encounter with it and it hurt like no pain I have ever felt before. I was over a sink with cold water splashing, but it was too late, I had to ride it out.

Vicki @ notsosahm.wordpress.com said...

Maybe you should edit the post to add Cindy Lauper's "She Bop" in the background. Teehee :)

Lula! said...

Clearing things up:
'Twas not bad nor good...just tingly. In a weird way.

Vicki--I am so afraid that for the first time in our 15+ year friendship you have finally sunk to my level. "She-Bop." Yeah, you SO went there. I just looooooove you!

Kat--Oz Schmoz. I once read as a teenager, "The healthy vagina cleanses itself." Bollocks! I'll say no more.

Greg--between the pedicure and your BenGay story, I now know why Jackie married you. If you were never a Colson before, you are now! (And I mean that in a good way, as I've always dug your in-laws.)

Christie said...

Found you on SITS
Thanks for the laugh...I hope you feel better!

P.S. I blog at:
http://prettypaperbook.com/blog

Mrs. Romero said...

Oh man, you never fail me. Not once. We are so going to be related. You even found a way to work SITS in to a post about tingly vajayjays... brilliant. I am so proud to know you and love you.

Pinky Roth said...

You gave more info than I care to know, LOL!@


Mom

Pinky Roth said...

You gave more info than I care to know, LOL!@


Mom

sippycupsandblackberries said...

Too funny! I am guessing that just the laughter alone may have made you feel better! :0)

Kelly said...

tales from lula's vahjayjay. sweet!

Melissa said...

Okay, I'm still TeeHeeing over this entry! Where can one go to get such a thing and can we be onto an Herbal Essence replacement commercial???? Just thinkin' out loud!

Mama Dawg said...

Ummm...(said in a whisper) where can I get some of this stuff?

Seriously, minty fresh and not your breath? Hilarious!

Kaley said...

You're killing me, Leigh Anne.

Oh...and sorry to hear you've been so sick! I'm amazed that you can keep your sense of humor in the midst of pink eye!

scargosun said...

Funny you should post about this. I bought some Gold Bond Healing Lotion (green bottle one) b/c my skin is all itchy for some reason (other than the poison ivy areas) and I about froze my can off this morning because of the menthol in it. I will tell you this, it is going to be my secret for hot weather and for stuffy noses. It wasn't nearly as strong as Vaporub but strong enough to smell it.

Debbie said...

I'm feeling a little overwelmed today and had to stop what I was doing to come check in on you, and I am so glad I did....I am laughing out loud at my southern-sinus-infected-minty-fresh BFF...So so funny!

Infarrantly Creative said...

Leigh Leigh thank you for the visual. I so needed that...ohmyhead

Amanda Jo said...

This is my first time visitin (thanks to SITS) and I have to say that this post made laugh out loud!! I can't wait to read more!

Kim said...

Maybe you tell the sex party lady about that stuff!

Nichole Jolene said...

i believe the va-j-j is self cleansing if you hang out over a beday (sp?) 24/7

Heather said...

It COULD be the secret. Maybe even SHOULD be. You have a pink laptop? There are so many things in this post making me jealous.

Carrie said...

I can't wait
til you exfoliate

Nonna said...

your post had me cracking up! I found your thru SITS! I hope your feeling better!

Sarah Pomerleau said...

HYSTERICAL...once again! What I love most is when I read these I can hear you telling me these posts as if you're right here with me! LOVE YOU my friend!

Lula! said...

Carrie, you candid one...thanks for making me laugh so hard I went into a coughing fit so strong that it dislodged some of this almost-pneumonia stuck in my chest. You rock!

AFRo said...

Oh. Crack me up with this.

Kristen Schiffman said...

You are freakin hilarious!!!! That last paragraph on being minty fresh had me cracking up.

Jennifer P. said...

Someone has got to re-market that as "tootie freshner"! Too funny! What a story teller you are :)!

penny said...

My favorite part: "Minty tooties? Maybe that's the secret in the sauce!"

Toni said...

OMG I am dyiing here what a funny mishap, though not to you I am sure. What a great blog

Debbie said...

They were charging big bucks (well, bigger than body wash bucks) for this sensation at a little "party" I attended recently. It doesn't get much more uncomfortable than a sex toy product party with your coworkers.

Jen said...

my sides hurt from laughing so hard. sorry for the uncomfort but it made for a great post

Jill said...

Hi SITSter! You are TOOO funny!

Toni said...

I did a midweek shout out to your posts check them out on my blog A Daily Dose of Toni Thanks for the great reading!

Caroline said...

That is so stinkin' - or should I say minty - hysterical! I was cracking up!

Kristi said...

That is way to funny - kudos to you for being able to blog about it!!!

Sunshine said...

So...they have this stuff at Walmart, or what?

JUST KIDDING...sheesh!

Good story, girl! I love that your MIL gave it to you too.

You funny girl.

Karen said...

LOL !!! 'Tootie', I've got to remember that one. :-)

Years ago, when 'Summer Eve' tootie deodarant sprays first appeared on the market, I gave one a go. Apparently I'm allergic to them. I still cringe when I think about that week...

Sunshine said...

P.S. Saw ya on SITS!

Shanna said...

LOL TOO funny!!

Blarney said...

Your such a minty fresh cutie patootie!

Judy Haley said...

well here's hoping that minty freshness helps with the sinuses anyways

Sherri said...

Whew Who!! Sounds very refreshing -- in a weird sort of way.

Angela said...

Where can I get a tube of this magical potion???

Deanna said...

oh no!! Nothing like a little aromatherapy for the hoo-ha! I didn't have an anatomy class in high school, but I'm pretty sure it's the NOSE that get's the benefit of essential oils. *shaking head* The stuff we put our bodies through. Found you through SITS!

Simply Stork said...

Who'd-a-thunk there was more than one way to clear out your sinuses...(lol)

funny :o)

~simply~

Cristin said...

Funny stuff!
I work in a nursing home and let me tell you... some of my patients could use some minty freshness n their nethers!!

Melanie said...

Wow that must have been a great experience!! Who needs warming KY!!!

Rhea said...

Oh, no. I just read the comment about the woman who works in the nursing home and needs her patients to use the minty freshness...I just puked all over my keyboard!! NO!!!!!

Hilarious post though. What a surprising side effect. lol

Lisa said...

So funny. thanks for sharing... I think.

Lisa said...

So funny. thanks for sharing... I think.

Talisman said...

Glad it didn't burn instead. ;) One time my husband was chopping up jalapeƱos, washed his hands but not well enough and... well... I'm sure you can get the rest of the story.

Adiel said...

You have a pink laptop? jealous! :)

Stephanie said...

lol... sounds about like my reaction to "warming" ky!!

Angie said...

You and your nethers are cracking me up!

Nichole Jolene said...

haha! i posted a comment to this funny entry last week! still funny keep bloggin~

Hairline Fracture said...

Minty tootie--that's hilarious. I've never even heard it called a tootie.

trashalou said...

multi-tasking in the bathroom one day I very accidentally found out the effects of toothpaste! I was in the shower for many minutes!

Kristin said...

Minty Fresh, I love it! I'm new today to SITS, glad I chose today because you are hilarious! I have never heard it called a tootie either!

Brittany said...

Found you through SITS! Great read!

Mama's Losin' It said...

Good Lord, that's hilarious!

Neurotically Yours: said...

You Crack. Me. Up. Minty fresh - HA!

Did it creep up and clear your sinus infection??

insane mama said...

As always... Lula
I love you

Gina said...

Note to self- stay away from anything mint in the shower!!
Thanks for the warning!

Mrs4444 said...

Well, I will not go into details, but let me give you another very important piece of advice: Always avoid the "nether region" after having minced jalapenos. Need I say more?? (visited from SITS, but you're already in my reader :)

Danielle said...

heehee. I was going to comment and then saw Kat's comment "Nether's are like a self cleaning oven!"

Between you and that comment, I can't stop laughing!!!

At Home Redesigns said...

Funny! Just when you think there are no surprises left in life...

Tausha said...

wham bam thank you bam! So was it a memorable experience and did your husband laugh his butt off at you? Mine-he would have made sure I was ok-then made fun of me then laughed at me. I figure since your mans a Dr-he would first make sure that yoiur ok-then he would laugh and laugh and laugh! Ha ha ha! Good memory. Great name by the way and I too am jealous that you have a pink laptop!

Michelle said...

Oh that totally would have freaked me out! And I love the word tooties. Never heard it before, but I love it.

Maternal Mirth said...

Minty Tooties sounds like a cookie.

A cookie PAULA DEAN would bake ...

My name is Tammie said...

Oh that was too funny! Your poor tootie! I dont think thats a place one wants minty fresh often.

my2boyz said...

TOO FUNNY! Happy SITS day!

lfamily5 said...

Hilarious! Maybe that is the secret in the sauce!

Shannon said...

well now...there's just nothing like a good tingle!

Tricia said...

This was the perfect laugh to start my day.

WheresMyAngels said...

PRICELESS!

Swirl Girl said...

designed by a man, but made for a woman....

not so bad in hindsight, huh?

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

Natalie said...

Ha! I don't think I'll ever look at anything with mint in it the same way ever again, lol.

dddiva said...

I read your post. I skimmed the comments. I'm about to turn blue laughing. And if you like your tootie minty fresh just think where the good dr might like a minty tingle and *ahem-altoids-ahem thepeppermintsarethestrongestchewthemfirst* save it for when you really really want something. ;-)

Sarah Elizabeth: said...

Anyone that can weave a Pat Benatar quote so elegantly into a post about...well...lets just say about what maybe it means to truly find that minty freshness we've all been searching for lol...deserves a round of applause! Bravo! Hope you feel better soon. ;)

Double Wide Mom said...

OMGsh! You are why I blog! Yes my name is Leanne, Yes I live in Middle GA and Yes, I believe the only reason the Bible doesn't say "Jesus Laughed" was cause He did it all the time! Thank you for not taking yourself so seriously! I'll be back!