Saturday, June 21, 2008

They didn't go to market, stay home, or have roast beef.

Mind if I get a little personal with y'all? Like I've never before, but this happens to be a topic I rarely touch on because, well...it has to do with a part of my anatomy that really grosses me out.

Whew...here we go...deep breaths...and now I'll spill it:

FEET. Footsies, Tootsies, Piggies...whatever you call them.

I hate feet. Not just my own, but feet in general. How one feels called to the profession of podiatry is beyond me. I mean...euuuuuu, that's just gross. I'd rather look in dirty ears or filthy mouths all day than even breathe the same air as a naked foot.

Have you ever noticed Doritos smell like dirty feet? I digress.

My own feet are far from spectacular, so I'm not singling out a random foot population. I am an equal opportunity hater of feet. I have Fred Flintstone toes...my arches are high and marred by lots of ugly blue veins, the result of years of dancing in pointe shoes. I have wide feet, which is a polite way of saying "chubby." Even when I wore a size 4 in clothing I had chubby feet. Go figure. Cute, strappy sandals never my feet fit due to their breadth, and it's always a search to find anything that doesn't scream, "INCOMING--'mom' shoes from Walmart!"

Last month I had my very first pedicure. I'm 33. I know! Grieve along with me for just a minute. Being pampered was rather enjoyable, but it's not something I can keep up due to living in the country, constantly gardening & being in the pool, and raising two children. Having those painted toes did make me feel a little better about the state of these pitiful soles. And hey...to prove how bad my feet really are I will share this picture taken immediately following their beautification:

Trust me when I tell y'all this is a vast improvement of Biblical proportions. But I am sorry if any of you ran screaming from the room. I do this often when glancing at these lack-of-beauties.

I'm not throwing love to my thighs, stomach, or flabby arms. These can (and will!) be fixed...nothing some diet, exercise, and a knife-wielding surgeon can't handle. But my feet...well...I feel hopeless...

Any suggestions from the blogging world? Favorite polish, foot care product, a plan for further foot beautification? (I do slather on the Vaseline each night, and cover with fluffy socks!) Care to share your least favorite body part with the rest of us? Insane Mama, I said least favorite, not most! We all dig your chest, for sure!

I don't know that I'll ever be able to glance down and think, "Wow--those are some cute feet!" But I would like to make amends and bridge the gap between utter disdain and modest acceptance. So help me, please...my piggies are tired of crying wee-wee-wee all the way home.


24 comments:

notsosahm said...

How do you know that Doritos smell like dirty feet? I refuse to make the comparison because I want to continue eating the smelly chip.

Tori said...

I don't like feet either.... they are just gross! That being said... I used to always get pedicures in the summer. Every month at least. It was nice to be pampered. I haven't had one in 2 years though, and I'm thinking a visit is approaching soon (it doesn't help matters that I can barely get over this belly bump to paint my own). I love OPI polishes. My favorite is discontinued I think... 20 Candles on Your Cake, or something like that. I also swear by Solar Oil for those dry cuticles. I also slather Aquaphor lotion on my feet before bed, but I've read that it's best to put it (or Vaseline) on before wearing your tennis shoes because then it'll get heated up, or something like that. I don't wear tennis shoes so I don't have any personal experience with it (again, can't reach the laces, plus it's hot so flip flops and Crocs are pretty much all I wear year round).

Tori said...

OH..... have you ever noticed that dog feet smell like Fritos? Yep. They do.

Kat said...

I am part of the Fred Flinstone feet club. With my wide feet and very high arches...the only shoes I can wear are Birkenstocks and Crocs. I don't think feet are gross...just mine in particular. I love to get pedicures. I like my feet scraped and my toes painted. But I gotta wonder what they are saying about me in Vietnamese.

At least we don't have Peggy Hill Feet. (King of the Hill is the funniest show!). There was one episode where she went out to some speciality store to get shoes. And when she came home, her hubby saw the box and said "who bought a microwave?"

AFRo said...

Girl! I just had my very first pedicure EVER too... did it last Tuesday. It was FABULOUS. I'm with you though... My least favorite body part is my feet. I'm just a feet hater too though.

Angie said...

I'm not a big fan of feet either, but the least favorite part of my body is my calves. They are so big and have these lovely varicose veins (thanks grandma)that make me shudder when I wear shorts in the summer. I feel like I draw attention to them. Of course, there's also my grandma flabby triceps, but I'm working hard on eliminating those. The calves though, I think are a lost cause.

Swirl Girl said...

I, too , am in the funky foot camp.
I have nice little feet , toes that descend in length in the proper order - but mutant toe nails. If you put all my toe nails together,, they don't amass to more than the average persons big to nail. Nothing at all on the pinky toe...my pedicurist actually polished my skin.

The upside? I save a ton on nailpolish. I wear cute shoes anyway - I figure people are too busy gawking at my other weird body parts, they don't have the time or energy to look at my feet.

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

insane mama said...

I can't believe no one is talking about my chest in here...
Just kidding I hate feet also, they're gross, I cannot get pedicures, because I can't sit still that long... seriously!
If they could paint one toe at a time and then let me run around for a bit, then I could handle it.

I also don't like elbows.. They are just weird!

leezee52 said...

I love this topic.. Feet..lol

Caroline said...

Hmmm...what don't I like about myself? My saggy post-breastfeeding boobies - so sad. Maybe I need to talk to Insane Mama. My hubby used to say they were "perfect". Have I heard that one recently? Nope. Oh well. The sacrifices of babes. I think your feet are cute. I mean, I wouldn't touch them or anything cause I'm kinda weird about feet too, but at least you don't have cankles.

Tracey_iPost said...

Not a feet hater or a feet lover. What does that make me? Feet non-commital? I like my legs. Sort of. See? I do think I have a fear of commitment to body parts.

Mom o'Bean said...

I'm pretty ambivalent about feet. The part of my body that I hate the most is my thighs, but that's kind of normal, so the other part I hate is my back because I have some ugly moles on it. I'm getting them removed, but its kind of expensive for something completely superficial so I'm spacing them out. Yuck, right?

Mrs. R said...

I actually don't mind feet. I HATE belly buttons. UGH. Can't even write the word without wanting to vomit. YUCK. Stop. Enough.

KimmyJ said...

I have a pedi every two weeks on payday. It is a treat to myself. Having said that I have FF feet too! My fav polish is OPI, "I'm not relly a waitress"

Heather said...

You have such nice feet!! I have long, ugly, monkey toes. HATE my feet.

Pinky Roth said...

I cannot believe you blogged about feet! I hate mine because they are so ugly...I do get pedicures at least every other month...

love,

momn

Melissa said...

Okay, I am now fully convinced we were seperated at birth! I just came over to say howdy and saw your blog! Go read mine for today! This is too funny. I just randomly opted to blog about my piggies and then I come to Lulaville to find the same thing. I promise I didn't copy.....total clairvoyance! Not that I believe in that, but whoa, totally freaky! Holla back and let me know what you think!

WheresMyAngels said...

I got my first pedi last year and I am almost 40. Now go out and buy yourself a Ped Egg, it does a better job for 10 bucks then the 20 or 30 you pay to have it done.

Debbie said...

You have forever ruined doritos for me ;)

If it looks like a duck, and it sounds like a duck, it's a duck. You can't disguise it. Just like your feet. So give yourself a pedi every week to make sure those piggies feel purdee. Or as the nail salon ladies say "so priteeee."

Crystal said...

Ohh yeah the Ped Egg is great find. I love mine. When I lived in VA Beach I got a pedi ever other week. But being back in the mountains and having to drive FOREVER to get one done...I just started doing them myself. And if you do get a Ped Egg remember to use when your feet have soaked in water. Makes easier to remove the dry skin cells. And to keep your feet soft I highly recommend using your face moisture cream. It does wonders for feet as well.
Ohh I have a thing about people with nose hair!

Mama Dawg said...

I don't like armpits. They are so difficult to remove all the hair from.

I don't even think about feet. Not because they bother me, but because I don't think to think about them.

I just slap on some polish and when it starts chipping, I take it off and put on some new. That's about it for me.

-Bridget said...

I call my feet Fred Flinstone feet too. They actually look about like yours. I get pedicures religiously and wear cute shoes so that I don't feel so much like my feet were designed specifically for putting my feet down and stopping my car.

Dena said...

Love the ped egg but not as much as having someone else scrub, rub and slather my feet with cream then polish them pretty. Nose, back and ear hair gross me out.

Toni said...

Check out my blog on this coming wednesday I am including this post in my midweek shoutout! I love me some pedicures

http://www.juststopscreaming.com